What does our healthcare system need? The healing power of crystals.

Kristen Van Nest
Slackjaw
Published in
2 min readMay 1, 2017

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Our nation is shrouded in negative energy.

As Trump put it: “Nobody knew that healthcare could be so complicated.” But there is a simple solution.

Our healthcare system is broken, shrouded in negative energy. What the American people need is the healing power of crystals. There are no alternative facts when it comes to alternative medicine. It’s very simple: crystals carry the healing power of nature.

Paul Ryan is trying to create a new healthcare system that helps your everyday American, especially in their darkest times, while being affordable. Your basic set of crystals, worn daily underneath your clothes as well as strung up around your house, costs significantly less than Obamacare (think of all the iPhones you could buy!), all while channeling nature’s healing power, something Obamacare doesn’t do.

Under this plan, every American household will receive an annual allotment of crystals, selected by their state. The states will be able to customize these policies, such as offering Amethyst to reduce stress or coral for those suffering from long-term illness. The government would also be lowering payments to insurers because instead of paying them, citizens with further health needs could meet with patient-centered uncertified crystal healing therapists, potentially qualifying for rare earth crystal packages as apply.

Fight negative auras with love not hate. Put away your pistols, start healing with crystals. Call your Congressman today and tell him/her YOU want a crystal clear healthcare system.

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Kristen Van Nest
Slackjaw

Stay tuned for my sexy travel memoir, WHERE TO NEST (2024) and sassy self-help, STOP DOING WHAT YOU HATE (2025). Follow me on Instagram/Twitter: @KristenVanNest