What I Did This Summer, By The Twins From ‘The Parent Trap’
We had so much fun… until we ruined Mom and Dad’s marriage for a second time.
This summer was so awesome! We had so much fun!
First, we went to sleep away camp. It was so cool! We learned how to canoe, how to make beaded friendship bracelets, and even how to fence. Hallie even learned how to rig a Home Alone-style string trap, completely in the dark and without making a single sound so she didn’t wake anyone up. So amazing!
But then, something totally crazy happened. It turns out that we are long-lost twins! At first, we didn’t believe it, but after comparing hair colors, freckles, birthdates, and later, DNA, we discovered that it was true! Turns out that when a mommy (note from Annie: a mummy) and a daddy don’t love each other anymore, they learn that it makes everything better if they live in different houses. Also, it makes everything better if they totally cut off contact with one child with no plan for reunification. We were each really sad that we didn’t have a mother or a father, but then really happy that we actually did! Yes, we are still really mad that they kept us from our other parent, sister, and extended family for eleven years, but that’s something Dad said we get to talk to Dr. Schwartz about.
Side note: This year, in addition to ballet and karate classes, we get to visit Dr. Schwartz every Wednesday! She’s great, even though she asks us a lot about our feelings and something called “resentments.”
After summer camp, we each got to take a really fun trip! Annie went to Napa Valley and Hallie went to London! It was cool to see each other’s houses, and it was a relief that both our parents are wealthy and have hired help. We thought we might need to learn how to make a bed this summer!
Next, we all met up back in California. That’s when the coolest thing this summer happened — our Mom (note from Annie: Mum) and Dad fell in love again! It was great! We got to be flower girls on a super fancy wedding on a cruise ship! We were both so happy that our parents are married again!
U̶n̶f̶o̶u̶r̶t̶e̶t̶l̶y̶ ̶U̶n̶f̶o̶r̶t̶u̶n̶a̶t̶l̶y̶ Unfortunately, Mommy (Mummy) and Daddy started fighting again. It turns out, one of the reasons they fought when we were babies was because they couldn’t decide where to live. Now it’s even harder because they each have their own businesses in different countries. It’s so confusing! Although they love each other, they also argue a LOT about staying in California or going back to the UK. Mum (note from Hallie: I like this spelling, I’m going to keep using it) wants to go back to London and bring both of us back, which is really cool, except that makes Dad really mad, which isn’t really cool. Then Dad goes to his basement where he collects wine and he stays there for a LONG time until he says something like “Thanks to you, Lizzy, I just finished off a bottle of ’84 Merlot!” Whatever that means.
Now Mummy lives in the guest house and she gives Daddy a really mean look every time he comes over to talk, which is a lot. Mummy said she loves Daddy but not California, his lack of support for her wedding dress shop, or his drinking. Daddy says he loves Mummy but she’s being “completely unreasonable” about staying in Napa and that she could totally still make dresses from home. He also says that she’s a wife and her place is in the kitchen, which is weird because Mum is a really bad cook! She has Martin do everything!
This summer we learned that family is super important and that people can love each other even if they live really, really far apart. In fact, they love each other SO much that they don’t call, write, or send their children birthday presents for years. We also met really cool people this summer, like our friends at summer camp, our almost-stepmom Meredith, the really nice people in San Francisco that let us borrow their boat for an enchanted dinner date, and most of all, Judge Lisa Bodelli from the Napa County Family Court, who is helping mummy and dad make something called a “custody agreement.”
This year, we want to read more books, go on more adventures, and get lots of sleep, especially because Daddy says we get to fly to the UK every other week! It’s going to be a lot of fun! We can’t wait!
