What I Mean When I Say I’m Passionate About Brands

In short: I really am very passionate about brands


You’re probably reading this because you saw my LinkedIn and you’re asking yourself:

‘Can this dude be as passionate about brands as he makes out?’

Let me answer that question, buddy:

YOU’D BETTER BELIEVE IT.

AND THEN SOME.

JUST DO IT.

I am passionate about brands when I wake up

My alarm is me repeating the word ‘brand’ over and over and at increasing volume.

That’s how passionate about brands I am.

I am passionate about brands at breakfast

I eat Pop Tarts for breakfast. As someone with all the diabetes, I know I shouldn’t. Eating Pop Tarts makes my blood sugar go crazy and might also lead to:

  • Kidney disease
  • Eye problems
  • Heart problems
  • Non-healing wounds
  • Neuropathy

But I love the Pop Tarts brand.

Have you seen the font they use? It’s cheeky. And I’m so into the idea of cheeky breakfasts. Great branding. Classic colours too.

That’s how passionate about brands I am.

I am passionate about brands on the school run

I listen to Kanye in the car. My kids hate the music but, as I explain to them, he’s all about the brand he’s built.

Brand Kanye.

Like The Beatles. Who came up with the Apple brand? Only The Beatles. Google it.

You think beards are cool? The Beatles did beards before you were born. Brand Beatles.

I’d play The Beatles more but I don’t want any of the single mothers thinking I’m old.

(Brand me.)

If I see a teacher as I’m dropping the kids off, I might ask whether they’d checked my PowerPoint on the school brand yet.

They need a new logo.

I suggested Spider-Man. Because what do you think about when you think of Spider-Man? Intelligence? Check. Youth? Check.

Two elements key to the branding of any primary school.

I mentioned this during a PTA meeting but there were concerns that people associated Spider-Man primarily with spiders.

‘Not true,’ I said. ‘And even if it is true, aren’t spiders admirable? Aren’t they something to which we aspire our children to become to which? I think our kids should be more like spiders.’

But the meeting carried on as if I’d not said anything.

That’s how passionate I am about branding.

I am passionate about brands at work

Okay, so I may very well be applying to work at your start-up/tech company because start-ups/tech companies are my second passion after branding, but, here’s the thing:

I currently work at a library.

(I know.)

Officially, my stated role is ‘librarian’. But I’ve persuaded Jenny the ‘assistant librarian’ to refer to me as ‘Chief Knowledge Facilitator’ and especially if there’s a customer in the library.

I’ve also designed a new logo. It’s an image of a book with a smiley emoji. We’re still waiting for the ‘stakeholders’ to approve it.

Because language is powerful. And that’s how passionate I am about brands.

I am passionate about brands every lunchtime

McDonald’s — the most enduring, successful brand. Am I right? That’s why I eat there every weekday lunch. Again, according to the ‘experts’, this isn’t ‘great’ for my diabetes. And I’ve pretty much doubled my waist size in the last eighteen months.

But I’ve learnt a lot about branding through a daily Happy Meal. I can lose the weight through hypnosis etc. What I can’t lose is the education.

That’s how passionate I am about brands

I am passionate about brands every Tuesday afternoon

Every Tuesday afternoon, Jenny and I have our departmental meeting. We always start with a twenty minute BRAND competition that I’ve designed on PowerPoint. It’s good for morale, especially as, two years ago, Jenny was only able to name twelve of the forty-eight company brand logos. Last Tuesday, she named twenty-three.

That’s how passionate about brands I am. And Jenny is too.

I am passionate about brands every drive home

I spend the journey listing as many brands as I can remember. If I pause or say a brand more than once, I hit myself in the balls.

Passion.

I am passionate about brands on my internet dating

My wife left me. She didn’t think there was enough passion in our relationship. I was spending it all on the brands.

That’s how passionate brands I am.


In conclusion, I am passionate about brands, so please give me a job.

I AM SURE I WILL BE ABLE TO FURTHER COMMUNICATE THIS PASSION IN INTERVIEW. I CANNOT OVERSTATE THE EXTENT OF MY PASSION FOR BRANDS. I AM REALLY VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT BRANDS.

Please note: I am also passionate about data entry.