Member-only story
What The Heck Are Those Drones? Responses From The Pentagon
“We don’t know what they are, where they’re coming from, where they land, why they’re here, or who’s controlling them. But it’s certainly nothing to get all worked up about.”
“They’re just airplanes. Airplanes that hover over houses, power plants, and military installations for hours then disappear.”
“They’re actually just hobbyist drones from Walmart. We think this guy Jerry bought a bunch of them — maybe 5,000 or so — and he’s just been going nuts. According to our intel, Jerry and his boys got drunk on Pabst and threw a rager where they flew unauthorized drones over Camp Pendleton. We’ll talk to Jerry and ask him to simmer down.”
“Many of these ‘drones’ are just really dense, weird-looking clouds. You know how clouds can look like turtles or mermaids? Well, they can also look like drones.”
“A guy on Reddit posted a five-second TikTok of a so-called ‘drone’ that turned out to be a Cessna, so our team of 3,000 FBI agents and Defense Department analysts concluded that the mystery ‘drones’ that swarmed Langley Air Force Base for 17 days are certainly all legally-operated Cessnas. We need to beware of misinformation run amok.”
“People often misperceive Venus as three different SUV-sized drones or as several luminous, plasma-like orbs that…
