What Will Happen If You Date Someone Above Your Eye Level

What I learned from being 5’1 ½” woman married to a 6’ 4” man.

Kit Coyne Irwin
Slackjaw

--

Woman hooking her arm with a man where her head is several inches below his shoulder. You only see his chin.
Illustration by Kit Irwin

When you stand close to him, your head will be even with his chest. You’ll have to lean your head back all the way to see his face. The downward pull will force your mouth to open. You will look like a fish. Or a Muppet.

You’ll never physically see eye to eye.

Before you hug him, you will have to pat him down, because anything in his breast pocket will be jammed into your face. Zippers will scrape your skin. Bulky belt buckles will stab your breasts. Once you know where the objects are, you’ll be able to contort your body for a squeeze within the safety zone.

When you separate in crowded places, you will be the one responsible for always finding him. If you ask why he never finds you, he may tell you the truth: you are indistinguishable from the other mounds of hair.

You will not know what he looks like on top. He could be bald or have an intricately-patterned comb-over, but as long as he has hair on the sides, you’ll assume he has a matching crown.

The first time he changes a lightbulb in a ceiling fixture without needing a chair or a footstool, you will be in awe. The highest you’ll be able to reach is an inch below…

--

--