Member-only story

What Your Signature Drink Says About You

Pinot Noir: At some point, you’ll agree to an open relationship.

Catherine Durkin Robinson
Slackjaw
3 min readFeb 8, 2021

--

Photo by Haley Truong on Unsplash

My twin sons recently turned 21 and I wrote this guide. You know. To help.

Here’s what your signature drink says about you:

· American beer, any brand — You’ll change your major every other month and blow tuition on Draft Kings.

· European beer, any brand — You’ll support underrated Premier League teams, write “colour” or “favour” even though you’re from Florida, and speak with vague, foreign accents.

· Asian beer — You’ll write fan fiction under five pseudonyms.

· Mexican beer with lime wedge — You’ll post pictures online of your feet with the beach and/or sunset in the background.

· Jamaican beer — You’ll spend weekends sitting in the back of tiki bars, singing along with Jimmy Buffet cover bands.

· PBR — You’ll post updates about your beard, misinterpret Marxist theories, and pretend to appreciate jazz.

· Boone’s Farm — You’ll routinely hit on your best friend’s dates, play darts competitively, and get busted shoplifting candy bars.

· Canadian beer, mostly Labatt’s — You’ll politely argue with coworkers about hockey and universal health…

--

--

Catherine Durkin Robinson
Catherine Durkin Robinson

Written by Catherine Durkin Robinson

I’m a writer and activist. In my spare time, I investigate missing socks. You can also find me here: https://catherinedurkinrobinson.substack.com/

Responses (38)