When Human Life Definitely Begins, According to All These Different People
The other day I sat down to pen my feelings about other people’s pregnancies, which are very important to me. However, in the midst of my creative process, I was distracted by having to constantly look up all the different certitudes about when life begins. Sensing a powerful need in the op-ed community, I decided instead to write this handy reference guide. Feel free to use it for your forthcoming New York Times opinion piece!
Evangelical Christians, 1968: “At birth.”
Evangelical Christians, 1980: “At conception.”
St. Thomas Aquinas, 13th century: “40 days for males and about 80 days for females.”
Pope Francis, 2016: “At conception. (But it’s OK as long as you say you’re really sorry.”)
The Bible: “Why. Who’s asking.”
St. Brigid of Kildare: “I straight up performed abortions, what do you think.”
Islamic Scholars: “120 days after conception. Europeans were never good with science.”
The Talmud: “At birth. Don’t ask her, you schmuck. She could be bloated.”
Buddhism: “At conception. Also ewwww.”
Atheists: “Depending on the loudness of the child sitting at the restaurant table next to me, 1–438…
