Why I’m Quitting My Job To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom
It makes people uncomfortable when I say “burnout” and “my desire to cherish motherhood before my children go to therapy and blame me for all their issues.” So now when I answer, I mix it up with one of the following reasons:
1. I am sick of my male coworker asking me, “Who’s watching your kids right now?” Even worse, when I tell him, “No one. I just filled up their food and water dishes and gave them the remote,” he gets all judgey. I want the freedom to abandon my children and not get the third degree.
2. I don’t get the same type of intellectual stimulation at work that I do from a conversation with my toddler in which he asks me to really consider “why?”. For example, “that’s a freezer… because it freezes food… to keep food from going bad… so we can eat it later… in case I don’t feel like cooking… because I am overloaded… because I have children… I don’t know.”
3. I am deathly afraid one day my children will say, “My mommy is a Girl Boss Woman in STEM!”. Or worse, “STEAM”.
4. I would like to know what Whole Foods is like at 10am on a Tuesday. I bet everyone is super zen.
5. When my daughter wins the Nobel Prize in 50 years, I want to wave at her on stage and know I was the one who picked her outfit and packed her lunch that day. I can’t be answering work emails during the ceremony.
6. All the stay-at-home moms on social media are super fit and pretty. I think it’s important for me to shatter the stereotype. To break the mold with a slightly asymmetrical cookie, so to speak.
7. Every so often, my house cleaner puts the fitted sheet on our king bed rotated 90 degrees. Throughout the week the fitted sheet slips off the mattress. I am so conflict-averse and also overwhelmed with work that I neither bring it up with her or fix the sheet myself. Instead, I will quit my job so I can start devoting 2 minutes every week to making my bed the correct way and avoid ever bringing it up with Evelyn.
8. My children have learned so much Spanish from their Au Pair over the years, now I want them to teach me. I can finally learn the words for “more” and “quesadilla”.
9. The act of microwaving leftover salmon in the office is without a doubt the most disgusting smell, or so my coworkers tell me every day. I think my toddler will be more accepting of the stank.
10. After sneaking 1 toilet paper roll a week from my office for the last 10 years, I have finally stockpiled enough, and I no longer depend on my work for toilet paper… or existential validation and a source of pride and purpose.
I sure hope I’m not disappointed.
