Why The Emergencies Act Was Enacted In Canada
As you know, our Motherland was recently attacked by a Convoy of Truckers.
The focal point for the attack was our Home and Native Land’s capital city of Ottawa. Where our Dear Leader was displaced from his home.
As you’re fully aware, the ‘rolling mob of blunder’ snarled Ottawa’s traffic for days on end.
And even worse, the subjects of Ottawa had to contend with honking horns. Plumes of exhaust fumes. Scruffy men walking about randomly. And hundreds, if not thousands of cigarette butts, ground into the pavement by the boots of the ‘trucking’ idiots.
It was terrifying.
Canadians across the country were holed up in their homes, with their eyes glued to the CBC news, as they witnessed small portions of two mid sized cities suffer from nightmarish traffic jams.
And because of the ‘rig reprobates,’ we were terrified to go outside. Because any honking car or truck horn, might have been honked in support of the ‘Mad Max’ truckers.
But in the throes of this malevolent madness, Prime Minister Trudeau kept a steady hand on the tiller of the country. Even when a massive melee broke out at a major intersection in the Financial District of downtown Toronto.
It was caused by an aggravated driver, who after realizing the traffic delay would prevent him from getting his Tim Horton’s coffee before work…honked his displeasure.
However, another driver took offence, thinking the honker honked to salute the terrorist truck drivers. So in retaliation he honked back. Then another driver honked into the fray. Who then jumped out of his car to challenge the retaliatory honker.
Then before you could say, ‘who is Alex Rodriguez dating now, I’ve lost track,’ a baseball like brawl broke out. There was pushing and shoving galore. But fortunately, no one wanted to throw a punch, just in case they injured their honking hand.
Similar scenes broke out across Canada.
It got so out of hand, The Minister of Justice asked Prime Minister Trudeau if the local constabulary should crack down on the traffic causing drivers. But our wise Prime Minister declined to crack down.
In his infinite wisdom, he rightly determined that the honking heroes were blocking traffic for the right reasons. It was their way of literally calling out the bastard truckers who were blocking traffic for the wrong reasons.
But it left Prime Minister Trudeau in a foul mood. And to make matters worse, the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) informed the Prime Minister that while the truckers had agreed to stop honking after midnight, his children would still be kept awake by the ‘truckus’ until the late evening. So staying sheltered in place, away from their home, for two more weeks, was the most prudent thing to do.
And while the thought of sleeping on a ‘too soft’ medium firm mattress for another fortnight worried the Prime Minister; he was horrified by what was becoming of the public face of Canada.
Bags were appearing under his eyes. And in utter frustration he apparently lashed out at no one. Although, an RCMP Protective Policing Service agent, out of concern for the well being of our Dear Leader, shared that he bellowed, ‘Dammit. I’m too young and attractive to have sagging skin eyebags. I can’t lead the country looking like this.’
According to unnamed parliamentarians, this was the final straw.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau went for a long walk in the snow. He thought, ‘What would my Father, Pierre Elliot Trudeau, the former Dear Leader of our Motherland, do in this circumstance?’
And then, like it was a sign from his late father. An ambulance sped past the Prime Minster. And on the back of the vehicle he saw the word…Emergency. Then he recalled how his father had enacted the War Measures Act when he was facing terrorism concerns. And now he could employ the equivalent, Emergencies Act. Because he too was facing terrorism concerns. But caused by the damn terrorist truckers.
And so it was so.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau decided to enact…The Emergencies Act.
His ‘right side of history’ decision resulted with the disbanding of the illegal protests by force, and the incarceration of its leaders. The seizure of millions of dollars, and the closing of dozens of bank accounts. The confiscations of tens of trucks. And the doxing of everyone who donated money to the terrorists.
That’s why The Emergencies Act was enacted by our Great Leader, Justin Pierre James Trudeau.
To protect our Motherland’s freedoms.
Ohhh Canada.
