Why We Laid Off Two Of The Triplets

A gut-wrenching decision, but we owe it to our investors

Photo by Kindel Media.

To: The McMurphy Family
From: Mom and Dad
Re: Today’s Layoff

As you know, we McMurphys have belt-tightened for several months now. Let’s review.

• We nuked the Sports+ package on cable. No more lingerie football. As a bonus, Dad now has time to unload our spare cutlery on Mercari.
• Having paused her Delta Sky Club membership, Mom’s packing her own travel nips. A penny saved, right?
• We cut the water heater temperature over 35% — the coyote you thought you heard last night was probably Dad screaming in the shower.
• Last week we canceled Apple TV Plus. Let’s reconsider when Season 2 of Severance hits.

While these important steps will help the McMurphys back to profitability, they’re not drastic enough in this tough economic climate. As a result, we made the difficult decision to lay off two of the triplets. Tyler will stay on, but — effective immediately — Trevor and Toby will be moving on from their time with the McMurphys. We wish the boys well!

Like many organizations, we simply expanded too quickly. In our startup days, we had Cassie Anne and then Roger, expanded…