Writers! 30 Things You MUST DO For Your Article To Get ZERO Views

Alex Baia
Slackjaw
Published in
3 min readFeb 27

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

Want your articles to get ZERO views? You don’t stand a chance unless you do these 30 things.

Write huge, long rants with pie charts and poetry. Readers LOVE this!

Don’t write for yourself: that’s narcissism!

Don’t write for an audience: that’s GROSS MARKETING!

Alex Baia
Slackjaw

Humor writer, book junkie, stargazer, optimist. Resident philosophy major. I’ll send you some treasure: https://alexbaia.com/humor