Yep, Uh-huh, I Totally Read Infinite Jest
Before we hang up, I just want to say thank you so much for chatting with me about this position. It’s been my lifelong dream to work at a publishing house, and as you can see from the full bookshelf behind me, I’m deeply passionate about what you create. It’s not just for aesthetics, either; I’ve read every single one of these books.
What’s that? Yep, uh-huh, that one too. I totally read Infinite Jest.
Most definitely read it. Read the heck out of it too. Not like those pompous wannabes who pretend they’ve read it. I’m a completist, as in I’ve completed it.
Did I like it? Obviously! The tennis, the characters, the words on the page — all of it was just so likable. And the footnotes! Talk about things I liked!
How would I describe Infinite Jest? Well, as someone who positively read the book, I can say it sort of transcends descriptions. But I guess it also surpasses explanations. Personally, I think it eludes elucidation.
But I can totally elucidate! Believe me, no problem elucidating here. My friends call me the Elucidator because of all the elucidating I do, especially about Infinite Jest, which I undoubtedly read.
If I had to say one thing, which is tough because there are so many things I’d love to say, I guess it would be that this book has a lot to say. But only learned people like us can really appreciate those sayings.
Come again? Learn-ed? Yep, that’s totally what I said. I must have cut out because I one hundred percent know how to pronounce that word and would NEVER say it any other way.
Oh, there’s no question; I absolutely read this novel. Just look at my copy’s spine! See how it’s crinkled and worn? Unquestionable proof I’ve read it.
That’s a good point, I guess you could easily buy a used copy and put it on your shelf. But as an irrefutable reader of Infinite Jest, that is something I WOULD NOT DO.
I just wish more people were like me and actually read Infinite Jest instead of coming up with excuses not to. Aren’t those people the worst? Oh, you feel people who brag they’ve read something when they really haven’t are considerably worse? Yeah, I guess. Too bad you can’t tell who those people are! Can you? Can you tell who those people are?
Not that it matters, of course, because I read this book cover to cover. Twice, now that I think of it! Read it TWO TIMES. Unbelievable, right? I guess I’m just wired differently.
That’s actually why I feel I’m a great fit for your company. I’m wired differently, I’m learn-ed and I will swear UNDER OATH that I read Infinite Jest.
Anyway, I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. Now I’m going to get back to rereading Gravity’s Rainbow, which is another one of my favorite books I’ve most certainly read and I’ll FIGHT TO THE DEATH to prove it. I look forward to hearing from you soon!
