Sally Brown stepping over deep drifts in downtown Portland at SW Broadway and Alder Street, from the February 2, 1937 front page of The Morning Oregonian.

Yes, of course, why didn’t I think of it? There’s a playbook for this in the slackjaw manual. Let me look….. hmmm. Here it is; “snowstorm”. OK, well, you asked for it.

Entertaining Alternate Uses for Milk and Bread

  1. Soggy masks
  2. Deodorant
  3. Crow bait
  4. Reference page for dissertation
  5. UX

INSULTS FROM PEOPLE IN OTHER PLACES

  1. 72° here, sunny, light breeze (some Californian)
  2. Around here, we scrape 12" off the car with a credit card (Buffalo, NY)
  3. This just proves that Washington is more like Tennessee than NY (a guy on Long Island)
  4. What a perfect weather metaphor. Our capital can’t function, everyone’s worried about their own safety, and the people who clean up still have to go to work. (A Bernie Sanders supporter in NH)
  5. Frozen water is not a “disaster” (someone in Flint, MI)

Better Names Than “Snowmageddon”

  1. The Big Snow
  2. The Storm
  3. The Beltway Blizzard of 2016
  4. The Mid-Atlantic Freak Out
  5. Snowtastrophy

Hashtags for the Storm

  1. #startbinge, #endbinge
  2. #plentyofmilk
  3. #stretchbeforeshoveling
  4. #ratherbeinSantaBarbara
  5. #UberGouge