Your Application To Mormon Heaven Has Now Been Processed!

Please sign, date and fax back to God no later than eternity

Malia Gillette
Jul 23, 2019 · 3 min read
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Dear Brigham Smith,

My name is Angel Brian, GAG (Guaranteed Assistant to God) and you are hereby notified that your obedience to the laws and principles of the church have granted you a spot in the Mormon Celestial Kingdom! We hope this…