Your Career Hinges On An Order From My Child’s Holiday Fundraiser
Clinch your promotion from the jaws of this nutcracker ($35.99).
Season’s Greetings!
The holidays must be here, because I’m making my list of go-getters and checking it twice. So as you anticipate spending time with family by the fire, please remember that ordering from my child’s school fundraiser is the single biggest factor in promotions and raises. Each purchase is an investment in your career!
Every year, Meadows Elementary holds a holiday fundraiser for school improvements. Armed with catalogs of seasonal trinkets and snacks, families become an overnight MLM-style sales force in a cutthroat competition for cash prizes. Naturally, I am wielding my power over your livelihood to intimidate you into buying fruit cake dry mix ($9.99). It tastes pretty okay!
Some of you may have noticed Santa’s little elf in the office. Once again, my 5th grade son, Kurt, is occupying the southeast conference room until the fundraiser is over. He needs the space for his wares, which he ordered on your behalf. If only we were all as results-driven as my brilliant, darling boy! (Think you already are? Now’s your time to prove it!) Kurt will track your fundraiser quota in his ledger, but how you show your worth to this team is entirely…
