Your Cat’s Op-Ed On Your New Baby
Time for this kitty to drag that crusty mess.
Opinion Essay By Your Cat
Your Cat is the Feline Lifestyle Critic for All Things in Your House
The three of us had a good life. You adopted me as a kitten, and I considered you my parents, even if we’re not biologically related. You loved me, and doted on me, and I returned your love with purrs, and head-butts, and flops on your lap. We were happy.
Then you brought that shrieking skin-sack into our world. I’m not usually one to spill the tea, but I feel it’s my responsibility to warn everyone who is considering getting one of those things.
My opinion of your baby? Helpless and disgusting. If your baby was a movie, I’d give it one star.
Attitude? Pure disaster. Customer service? Nonexistent. Try giving the baby feedback. It’s like talking to a wall, if the wall crapped itself.
I understand the baby is your offspring, so I tried to keep an open mind. I’m not one of those jealous siblings who compete for their parents’ affection. But yeesh — baby is so much worse than I could’ve imagined. One star? That’s being generous.
How two fairly clean mammals produced that slimy blob of body fluids is a mystery. The baby’s brain is supposed to be…
