Your Hot Future Boyfriend, Billions of Cicadas, Or Both?
Ladies, meet your man this June!
Are you exhausted by the dating pool? Do you feel like maybe there aren’t any good men around? They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but quality women don’t mess up their blow-out by swimming. And right now there are billions of cicadas emerging from underground as part of a group called Brood X. So. Hot.
These husky creatures are only seventeen years old; so eek, minors! But honestly, they’re so ready to sing for your love you’d think they’d already graduated college at the top of their a cappella group’s roster. Yes please, dude in a boy band. Maybe you can have a dirty secret love — after all, they are coming up through the soil!
Stop settling for whatever nonverbal tattooed drummer you can find on Tinder. Oh, the choice you’ll have of these males with their bulging red eyes! Unlike those app trolls, every last one will actually know how to communicate directly with you. Keep in mind that if your date hits a full ninety decibels you may damage your hearing, but aww, how romantic to have his voice be the last you ever heard!? That’s enough buzz to keep you in the social media spotlight, and reason enough to get off Bumble.
Plus, no more fussing over birth control! You won’t have to worry about getting…
