Your Passive Aggressive Home Inspection

Photo by Phil Hearing on Unsplash

Address: 1321 Barton Street, Gilbert, MI 49008

Date: 3/17/24

Weather: 53 degrees-overcast

Home Inspector: Daniel “Danny” Rigsley

Kitchen observations:

• Laminate flooring is in acceptable condition. At least as acceptable as laminate can be.
• A representative number of cabinets were inspected and appeared to be in acceptable condition. Cabinets were made of a plywood material and showed some signs bubbling, but at your micro-budget, that’s to be expected.
• Refrigerator was in working order, but was loaded with some pretty unhealthy foods. When I saw the sellers’ photo, the contents of the refrigerator made a lot more sense. At least Chipotle — where I like to eat — is fairly healthy.

Bathroom observations:

• More of that beautiful laminate flooring in the bathroom! It’s in a condition that I — solely because of my job — have to again define as acceptable, but looking at it kind of makes me sick to my stomach.
• The bathtub was in working condition, that is, if you’re the kind of person who enjoys sitting in a tub of their own filth.
• Both handles on the sink were loose. Again, this probably has to do…