You wake up with your four-hundred-thousand thread count sheets wadded up like a pillow in your arms. You’re the richest person alive and you slept sideways in your bed again. Ha! This makes you laugh so hard you almost piss the bed, because having this much room is an absolute riot. You begin to think that it wouldn’t matter if you pissed the bed, actually. Your housekeeper would clean the sheets immediately. What’s their name again? It could be Brayden? No, it’s Katie. No, it’s… Vanessa? You resign yourself to never knowing, empty your bladder to completion, and roll out of bed.
You walk toward the bathroom and approach your Stink Bot — a robot that determines whether you need a shower. Stink Bot moves its head towards you and inhales. Its eyes light up and read, “YOU… SMELL… LIKE… SHIT!!!” You hang your head and make your way to your bathroom.
As you enter your bathroom, the cool linoleum under your feet sends chills up your spine. “Floor warmer on,” you grumble, stepping into your Guatemalan-waterfall-inspired shower. Your Morning Bots are waiting in the shower for you, and they wash you with loofahs lathered with body wash made from the crushed bones of endangered animals.
