Zagat Review of ‘MY FRIDGE’

The exciting new eatery that’s literally inside my fridge.

MY FRIDGE offers an “eclectic” menu with “wide-appeal.” The interior is “abundantly lit,” with tasteful appliance-lightbulbs designed to withstand “extreme” temperatures. There is no dress code, but diners are advised to bring a “sweater” or a “shawl” along to prevent “frostbite” or possible “death by hypothermia.”

An “adventurous” mix of American and Turkish influences contribute to the “mostly delish” menu items, including a “genre-bending” riff on “meatloaf” at this “hyped-up Hilal Isler joint.” The tight seating and “communal” vibe won’t be for everyone, but the “brave” diner interested in venturing off the beaten track might enjoy the aged “Jell-O pudding” or the “leftover pizza slice with the toppings already picked off.” Also on the menu: a “wilting head of lettuce,” half a bottle of “reduced-sodium soy sauce,” and “Doritos,” which really should be in the pantry but for whatever reason, here they are.

Open round-the-clock, 365 days a year, MY FRIDGE features a full bar including several “fluorescent sports drinks” of unknown vintage and “a carton of 2%.” For those interested in an adult beverage with a memorable kick, “refrigerator coolant” is available at a discount during the daily Happy Hour.

The music on offer is “ambient” and “modern;” a “hypnotic humming” coming from the compressor, interrupted by an intermittent and “irritating clicking sound” which the Super will “stop by and check out” next Tuesday between 8 and 11 A.M.

A sleek, wraparound condiment bar prominently displays an ancient “squirt-tube of birthday icing,” and a spice jar of “cumin or something.” Diners are encouraged to try the secret off-menu items, such as the “probiotic yogurt,” available in a variety of flavors, as an homage to Isler’s late grandmother, who would eat “tubs” of it to “maintain regularity.”

The staff of MY FRIDGE are Turkish American and somewhat “combative.” This is likely due to the ongoing “tension” and “uncertainty” of the “current political climate.” Don’t be alarmed by the spontaneous “hysterical sobbing,” or the periodic bursts of “unprovoked rage.” A good rule of thumb, no matter your heritage, is to “just keep your head down” during your meal in order to “avoid deportation.” For dessert, try the decadent “cookie dough ice cream,” straight from the container after 10 P.M., as you nervously “read the news,” and have your “nightly meltdown on Twitter.”