Zagat Reviews Of Your Neighbors’ Halloween Treats
How to know where to go trick-or-treating this year
Dullsville
12 Morton Lane: Gives out BBBats which “s-s-suck,” and “no one eats them even when fr-fr-free.” The skeleton hanging on the door is “fitting,” because “once you see what they’re giving out you’ll stay skinny forever.” The two BMW’s in the driveway are “misleading.”
The Doubting Thomases
173 Medford Road: Old couple gives out bags of cashews and shelled peanuts “because no one had food allergies when they were growing up” and “it’s probably a hoax” and “today’s kids ought to ‘toughen up.’ ” However, both husband and wife “lack a medical degree.”
Rich Cheapskates
88 Charles St.: This house “gives out Mary Janes,” prompting a visitor to note, “Hello, 1955 called and it wants its cheap-ass candy back.” The “rusty Studebaker in the back” is “probably what they used to go buy the candy at the five-and-dime.” The residents are “suspected to be cousins of the BBBat people.”
Goody Two Shoes
9 Pittsfield Road: “Gives out pencils that say ‘Stay in School,’ ” and thus has become known as the “virtue signaling house.” Visitors “came away hungry” and as a…
