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Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Slackjaw Humor Writing Challenge 2021: The Winners

Slackjaw Humor Writing Challenge 2021: The Winners

All winners from the 2021 Challenge…

May 9

Hot Off The Internet Printing Press

FAQ For New Capitol Hill Tour Guides

FAQ For New Capitol Hill Tour Guides

Tourists may skip security checkpoints if accompanied by a Q-aligned congressperson.

Alice H. Lahoda

Jul 30

The Fast-Casual Restaurant Birthday Song Demands Your Respect

The Fast-Casual Restaurant Birthday Song Demands Your Respect

Well, Jesus Dave-Thomas Christ, I didn’t realize hallowed traditions weren’t cool anymore!

Brandon Dockery

Jul 30

I Don’t Believe In Labels, And Neither This Chick I’m Boinking Nor My Severe Nut Allergy Can Change…

I Don’t Believe In Labels, And Neither This Chick I’m Boinking Nor My Severe Nut Allergy Can Change…

There’s something that women and food manufacturers just don’t get about me: I’m a free spirit. I don’t subscribe to harmful societal norms…

Jul 30

Real Headline Or Onion Headline About Jeff Bezos’ Trip To Outer Space?

Real Headline Or Onion Headline About Jeff Bezos’ Trip To Outer Space?

See how many you can guess correctly!

Jul 29

Do You Need A Better Skincare Regimen Or Are You Just A Pompeiian Corpse Covered In The Volcanic…

Do You Need A Better Skincare Regimen Or Are You Just A Pompeiian Corpse Covered In The Volcanic…

Take this quiz to find out!

Steph Westendorf

Jul 29

Batman Is A Bottom And Here’s the Proof

Batman Is A Bottom And Here’s the Proof

You thought a multi-billionaire philanthropist who dresses up like a bat and suffers from mommy and daddy issues wore the spandex pants in…

Jul 29

“Why Doesn’t Anyone Want To Work In My Restaurant?” BINGO

“Why Doesn’t Anyone Want To Work In My Restaurant?” BINGO

We’re like a family here!

Alice H. Lahoda

Jul 28

More Heehee's and Hoohoo's

Could Someone Help Me Out Of This Well?

Could Someone Help Me Out Of This Well?

Wow, thank you all for the birthday wishes on Facebook! I especially loved the gif of the cat in the party hat that Roger posted. That cat…

Jul 28

Rules At The Lake (And Mandatory Minimum Sentences)

Rules At The Lake (And Mandatory Minimum Sentences)

Jul 28

Sample Lesson Plans from the GOP’s Patriotic Social Studies Curriculum

Sample Lesson Plans from the GOP’s Patriotic Social Studies Curriculum

Republicans have been pushing to ban the teaching of critical race theory in American schools, seeking to ensure that students are taught a…

Jul 27

Bake Your Own Aspiring Millennial Comedian With This Simple Recipe!

Bake Your Own Aspiring Millennial Comedian With This Simple Recipe!

Danielle Rackley

Jul 27

Greek God Apollo: The NPR Interview

Greek God Apollo: The NPR Interview

Unemployment of the immortals: the job market is tough for a god right now.

Jul 27

A Herpe Admiring Covid-19's Work

A Herpe Admiring Covid-19's Work

Just your friendly neighborhood herpe virus here and I hope everyone is having a maskless, anti-vaxxed, Covid-19 summer.

Jul 26

Classic Stories And Songs To Teach Kids That Dental And Vision Are Not Included

Classic Stories And Songs To Teach Kids That Dental And Vision Are ...

Break the news to them with these beloved tales.

Elizabeth Simone

Jul 26

I Named My Kids After Where They Were Conceived

I Named My Kids After Where They Were Conceived

It was a huge mistake.

Nathaniel Brown

Jul 26

Banning Me From This Roller Rink Will Not Stop The Revolution

Banning Me From This Roller Rink Will Not Stop The Revolution

The wheels of change have been greased and the floor of mutiny has been polished.

Jul 26

How To Get Great SEO By Admitting To Unsolved Murders

How To Get Great SEO By Admitting To Unsolved Murders

The SEO landscape is tough and has only gotten tougher in the past few years. Ads are more expensive and less effective. Click-through…

Jul 25

Stop! You Can’t Pull Out My Emotional Support Wisdom Tooth

Stop! You Can’t Pull Out My Emotional Support Wisdom Tooth

Hear me out, Doctor; I know it looks kinda bad — all brown and fucked up with mad crumbs in it — but let me explain. You can’t pull it out…

Jul 25

Bulletproof Lies For “Two Truths And A Lie” Game

Bulletproof Lies For “Two Truths And A Lie” Game

It’s the icebreaker of icebreakers. Losing is not an option.

Jul 24

An Apology For The Best Man Speech I Delivered At Dracula’s Wedding In Which I Referred To Him As…

An Apology For The Best Man Speech I Delivered At Dracula’s Wedding...

I am not proud of my behavior.

Jul 24

An Open Letter To Lysistrata Regarding Her “No Copulation Without Vaccination” Campaign

An Open Letter To Lysistrata Regarding Her “No Copulation Without V...

No phuck without Pfizer.

Jul 23

I Am The Writer Of Happy Birthday And The Pressure On My Second Song Is Immense

I Am The Writer Of Happy Birthday And The Pressure On My Second Son...

I never thought I’d find myself saying this, but I actually think writing Happy Birthday is the worst thing I ever did.

Jul 23

From The Makers Of Five-Finger Running Shoes: Dick-And-Balls Running Shorts

From The Makers Of Five-Finger Running Shoes: Dick-And-Balls Runnin...

Put some swing back in your stride!

Jul 23

My First Date(s) With The Man The Universe Wanted Me To Marry

My First Date(s) With The Man The Universe Wanted Me To Marry

In my last column, I introduced four suitors who I inadvertently dated in 2020, AKA my accidental summer of love. The first one was A.

Jul 22

I Want To Apologize To Everyone I Offended Last Wednesday, But In Fairness, I Thought I Had Just…

I Want To Apologize To Everyone I Offended Last Wednesday, But In F...

Hey Brian. I appreciate you meeting with me. Jenna, you should probably hear this too. As a matter of fact, everyone in this Dairy Queen…

Jul 22

The Life Of A Onefluencer

The Life Of A Onefluencer

Some people have social media accounts followed by many thousands of people. That’s what makes them influencers. I, on the other hand, am…

Jul 22

Script For A Planetarium Show After All The Billionaires Have Moved To Space

Script For A Planetarium Show After All The Billionaires Have Moved...

Since the dawn of time, mankind has told stories about the night sky. The ancient Greeks saw in the stars a mighty hunter, Orion, who was…

Jul 21

Theory Of Multiple Discovery: I Spontaneously Conceived The Plot Of Paddington 2

Theory Of Multiple Discovery: I Spontaneously Conceived The Plot Of...

Major scientific discoveries are often made at the same time, by different scientists in different parts of the world. This is called the…

Claire McFadden

Jul 21

My Gay Wedding Venue Is Now A Menards

My Gay Wedding Venue Is Now A Menards

Why Pennsylvania is the worst

Jul 21

15 Types Of Cousins Found At Family Vacations

15 Types Of Cousins Found At Family Vacations

Catherine Durkin Robinson

Jul 20

I Am The God Of Disappearing Spinach

I Am The God Of Disappearing Spinach

And I will take my tithe.

Jul 20

Realistic Word Problems For Women In Medicine

Realistic Word Problems For Women In Medicine

Solve for X (and try not to compare it to XY)

Jul 20

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