Homepage
Open in app
Sign in
Get started
Slackjaw
Medium humor. Large laughs.
About
Submit to Slackjaw
Resources
Humor Cheat Sheet
Follow
Hot Off The Internet Printing Press
Great-Uncle James Bond Tells The Goldfinger Story In His Own Words
Great-Uncle James Bond Tells The Goldfinger Story In His Own Words
I don’t usually talk about my work as 007, but why not? Let’s see. I arrived at the Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami for the Goldfinger job in…
Lorraine Alden
Aug 16
My Home May Be In Total Disrepair, But You’ve Got To Admit These Succulents Are Nice
My Home May Be In Total Disrepair, But You’ve Got To Admit These Succulents Are Nice
Pay no attention to the leaky toilet or the gaping pit in the bathroom, but instead these fun little succulents that I’ve placed everywhere.
Adam Dietz
Aug 15
What Happened When I Typed “Smacked In The Nuts With A Rake” Into A Headline Generator
What Happened When I Typed “Smacked In The Nuts With A Rake” Into A Headline Generator
And the results are…
T. Kent Jones
Aug 14
Haiku For Turning Forty
Haiku For Turning Forty
Poetic verses for midlife curses.
James Klein
Aug 13
A Frog In A Pot Rationalizes The Increasingly Hot Water Temp
A Frog In A Pot Rationalizes The Increasingly Hot Water Temp
I know the water won’t get too hot, because I don’t believe in boiling water.
Lily Hirsch
Aug 12
The Five People You Meet In Hell Who All Turn Out To Be Hitler
The Five People You Meet In Hell Who All Turn Out To Be Hitler
Hell is other people, except when it’s just Hitler.
Thejoshlong
Aug 11
Oh No, I Just Realized I’ll Never Be Able To See The Elephant’s Foot At Chernobyl!
Oh No, I Just Realized I’ll Never Be Able To See The Elephant’s Foot At Chernobyl!
The people who’ve seen it are dead now. Lucky sons of bitches!
Robert Criss
Aug 10
More Heehee's and Hoohoo's
FAQ For Our Upcoming Wedding At The Abandoned Rainforest Cafe
FAQ For Our Upcoming Wedding At The Abandoned Rainforest Cafe
The restaurant may feel a teeny bit different now that it’s been taken over by its newly sentient animatronic animals.
Jennie Egerdie
Aug 9
We Bought Our House In An Extreme Sellers Market, But I Assure You We Got A GREAT Deal
We Bought Our House In An Extreme Sellers Market, But I Assure You ...
Despite everyone talking about how competitive the market was, we found the entire home buying process to be an absolute breeze.
Adam Dietz
Aug 8
The Georgia Chamber Of Commerce’s Letter To Charlie Daniels Regarding The Devil Went Down To…
The Georgia Chamber Of Commerce’s Letter To Charlie Daniels Regardi...
Cease and desist this slander
Tyler Gooch
Aug 7
Welcome To Your Writing Retreat: The COVID Isolation Room
Welcome To Your Writing Retreat: The COVID Isolation Room
Come experience all the quiet isolation you have been craving for the last ten years
Summer Koester
Aug 6
Adventures in Microdosing the Police Force
Adventures in Microdosing the Police Force
“Hm,” I wondered, staring at the leather shorts “What could be the downside of a collective mood change in a small town’s only police force”
rob white
Aug 5
Come On Over But Only If You’re Cool With Boogers On Every Surface In My House
Come On Over But Only If You’re Cool With Boogers On Every Surface ...
Make yourself comfortable in my booger haven!
Julia Giantomasi
Aug 4
As A Professional Baseball Player, I Refuse To Get Vaccinated To Save Lives, But For A Shot At The…
As A Professional Baseball Player, I Refuse To Get Vaccinated To Sa...
I’ve listened to the experts, and I’ve decided the vaccine is not for me. Unless, that is, a playoff team decides to trade for me.
Adam Dietz
Aug 3
Lose 50 Pounds In 32 Days With Keto!!!
Lose 50 Pounds In 32 Days With Keto!!!
Do you need to lose belly fat?
Lucie Frost
Aug 2
We Here At BMW Are Proud To Announce Our Subscription-Based Brakes
We Here At BMW Are Proud To Announce Our Subscription-Based Brakes
Heated seats were just the beginning.
Val Bodurtha
Aug 2
Shocking New Study (Also) Funded By Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation Finds That Babies Playing With…
Shocking New Study (Also) Funded By Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation...
The study found that for babies, there were absolutely no benefits to playing with firecrackers, only risks.
Adam Dietz
Aug 1
Ernest Hemingway’s “The Old Man And The Pee”
Ernest Hemingway’s “The Old Man And The Pee”
He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he hadn’t been gone fifteen minutes when he had to relieve himself. He…
Tod Brubaker
Aug 1
My Name Is Bruce Wayne And Trauma Is My Super Power
My Name Is Bruce Wayne And Trauma Is My Super Power
I am resilient. I am the night. The night my parents died.
Caleb Coy
Jul 31
A Father of Teenagers Makes His First and Last Unboxing Video
A Father of Teenagers Makes His First and Last Unboxing Video
Can a lone man survive a clash with two of the great scourges of modern life—teenagers and cardboard boxes?
Jonathan Weisberg
Jul 30
Flags Of The World Redesigned For Clarity
Flags Of The World Redesigned For Clarity
This is the flag of Greece (grēs).
Robert Criss
Jul 29
I Can’t Support Respect For Marriage Because I, A Democratic Senator, Know Gay Marriage Causes…
I Can’t Support Respect For Marriage Because I, A Democratic Senato...
I’d much rather be anything than be inflated
Sharmila Shankarkumar
Jul 28
I’m A Bad Boy Corporate Twitter Account, And I’m Against Unionization
I’m A Bad Boy Corporate Twitter Account, And I’m Against Unionization
A union is like a #condom, and business is way better without it. Like sex.
Rachel Keller
Jul 27
I Had A Funny Thing To Say, But The Conversation Moved On
I Had A Funny Thing To Say, But The Conversation Moved On
It’s not like we’re on a totally separate topic…
C. E. Stayton
Jul 27
Things I Wish I Could Find By Calling Them Like My Phone
Things I Wish I Could Find By Calling Them Like My Phone
I need all the help I can get right now
Heather Talty
Jul 26
A Timeline Of My Thoughts In The One Hour After I Leave A Party
A Timeline Of My Thoughts In The One Hour After I Leave A Party
Everything went really well, except for that awkward thing I said.
Emily Kling
Jul 26
As Parents, It’s Our Responsibility To Make Sure This Kindergarten Graduation Is Unforgettable
As Parents, It’s Our Responsibility To Make Sure This Kindergarten ...
I believe it is our duty to provide our children with a kindergarten graduation ceremony that they’ll never forget.
Adam Dietz
Jul 25
“If It Bleeds, It Leads” Creator’s Lesser-Known Catchphrases
“If It Bleeds, It Leads” Creator’s Lesser-Known Catchphrases
“If it moos, it boos,” “If it dances, it finances,” and other universal truths!
Emily Menez
Jul 25
Leaked Supreme Court Draft Opinion On Women Drivers
Leaked Supreme Court Draft Opinion On Women Drivers
Kavanaugh sets stage for overturning Jack
Tom Billings
Jul 24
My Life Is So Much Better Now That I Am Legally A Corporation
My Life Is So Much Better Now That I Am Legally A Corporation
It’s the only way to live.
Nicole Beckley
Jul 23
Fictional Villains Leave Instacart Instructions For Their Shoppers
Fictional Villains Leave Instacart Instructions For Their Shoppers
Dracula: Enter my house freely and of your own will and place the packages near the pile of boxes filled with consecrated dirt. I have…
R.E. Fisher
Jul 22
This Article Was Co-Written By AI. Can You Tell?
This Article Was Co-Written By AI. Can You Tell?
The rise of sentient authors
Koko
Jul 21
About Slackjaw
Latest Stories
Archive
About Medium
Terms
Privacy