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Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

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We Don’t Care How Shady This Airbnb Listing Is, We Just Need A Place To Crash This Holiday Weekend

We Don’t Care How Shady This Airbnb Listing Is, We Just Need A Place To Crash This Holiday Weekend

We’re so excited to find a place to stay for the Fourth of July, we’re going to ignore all the red flags about this vacation rental and hit…

Jul 3

I’m A Racehorse Who’s Sick Of This Shit

I’m A Racehorse Who’s Sick Of This Shit

What the hell is wrong with you people?

Jul 2

I’m Protesting The State Of Our Nation By Having Marginally Less Fun This 4th of July

I’m Protesting The State Of Our Nation By Having Marginally Less Fun This 4th of July

After much deliberation, I’ve decided that I cannot in good conscience celebrate the 4th of July as I have in previous years.

Jul 1

Militor: A New Prescription Drug From The Makers Of War

Militor: A New Prescription Drug From The Makers Of War

Have you lost your appetite for battle? Do you wake up in the middle of the night wondering “When is this all going to end?”

Jul 1

A Handy Guide On Getting Your Downstairs Neighbors To Hate You

A Handy Guide On Getting Your Downstairs Neighbors To Hate You

The easiest ways to get a rational human to pray for your death — guaranteed!

Jun 30

My Character, Not Me, Thinks That Tipping Culture Is Getting A Little Out Of Control

My Character, Not Me, Thinks That Tipping Culture Is Getting A Little Out Of Control

Any criticism of these ideas can be directed at my character.

Jun 29

If Calls from Your Doctor Were Like Calls from Your Alma Mater

If Calls from Your Doctor Were Like Calls from Your Alma Mater

We know you have such fond memories of our hospital

Laura Berlinsky-Schine

Jun 29

More Heehee's and Hoohoo's

Re: Your Request To Amend Our FMLA Policy To Include Appearing On Reality-TV

Re: Your Request To Amend Our FMLA Policy To Include Appearing On Reality-TV

Dear Ms. Carson,

Heather Osterman-Davis

Jun 28

Sorry, Kids: Summer Vacation Does Not Mean You Get To Stop Using Your Brain, Eating Vegetables, Or…

Sorry, Kids: Summer Vacation Does Not Mean You Get To Stop Using Yo...

Some Hard Truths About Summer Vacation.

Jun 28

The CDC’s Official Developmental Milestones — Not For Babies, But For Tired AF Parents

The CDC’s Official Developmental Milestones — Not For Babies, But F...

To prevent exhaustion, the CDC recommends not having children. If however, that ship has sailed, skills such as crawling into your first…

Jun 27

A 23-Step Guide To Arranging The Ideal Bachelor Party For Your Best Bro

A 23-Step Guide To Arranging The Ideal Bachelor Party For Your Best...

Follow these steps in order to achieve a (hopefully somewhat satisfactory) outcome.

Kerry Webster Reynolds

Jun 26

10 Amazing Facts You Didn’t Know About “The Bob Newhart Show”

10 Amazing Facts You Didn’t Know About “The Bob Newhart Show”

These Totally True Facts Will Change The Way You Look At This Classic TV Show

Anthony Scibelli

Jun 25

My Boyfriend Left Me For An Art Consultant Who Wears Limited Edition Bucket Hats

My Boyfriend Left Me For An Art Consultant Who Wears Limited Editio...

Farewell Topper James III

Jun 24

I Was Disabled And Unemployed — Then Disney Plus Cast Me As “Toilet Droid”!

I Was Disabled And Unemployed — Then Disney Plus Cast Me As “Toilet...

I have cerebral palsy and this makes it difficult to work. I can’t lift anything too heavy, I can’t walk long distances or ride a bike…

Jun 23

I’m Your Tennis Pro And I Just Watched The Sopranos Finale

I’m Your Tennis Pro And I Just Watched The Sopranos Finale

Stretch well today because there might not be a tomorrow — or maybe there will be. I don’t know.

Jun 22

Bad Things Reframed As Good Things

Bad Things Reframed As Good Things

“Every problem is an opportunity in disguise.” — John Adams

Christopher Shelley

Jun 22

My Living Memorial 10K

My Living Memorial 10K

An immersive race loosely based on my life’s journey!

Jun 21

Buy These Regrets Now Or You’ll Regret It!

Buy These Regrets Now Or You’ll Regret It!

Don’t miss out on this exceptional opportunity!

Jun 21

Protect Your Personal Information: Put It On My Twitter

Protect Your Personal Information: Put It On My Twitter

We all have our secrets

Jun 20

My Rejection of Makeup is Totally Feminist And Has Nothing To Do With Me Not Knowing What Primer Is

My Rejection of Makeup is Totally Feminist And Has Nothing To Do Wi...

I swear the two things couldn’t be less related!

Jun 20

Dads: What Your Recreational Mode Of Transportation Says About You

Dads: What Your Recreational Mode Of Transportation Says About You

Longboard — You never skateboarded, snowboarded, or surfed growing up, but that’s no reason for you not to learn how to longboard now. At…

Jason Garramone

Jun 19

Subtle Signs Your Luxury Hotel Is Cutting Corners

Subtle Signs Your Luxury Hotel Is Cutting Corners

Be careful if these alerts appear at the reception desk.

Jun 18

This Statement Necklace Would Like To Have A Word With You

This Statement Necklace Would Like To Have A Word With You

Don’t Call Me Faux

Patricia Lawler Kenet

Jun 17

A Culinary Tour Of Presidential Library Cafes

A Culinary Tour Of Presidential Library Cafes

What better way to make sure this year’s summer vacation feeds both your family’s brains and tummies than a visit to one of America’s…

Jun 16

The Secret To “Stranger Things” Season 4? A ‘Shit Ton’ of Subway Meatball Subs.

The Secret To “Stranger Things” Season 4? A ‘Shit Ton’ of Subway Me...

Duffer Brothers believe that meatball subs add just the right amount of horny.

Jun 15

What I Assume Classic Video Games Were Really About

What I Assume Classic Video Games Were Really About

Do you remember the video games that changed history? I don’t. I barely played them. But why should that stop me from writing a…

Jun 15

Units Now Available At Shoe Factory Lofts!

Units Now Available At Shoe Factory Lofts!

Shoe Factory Lofts celebrates our past by keeping the historic landmark as close as possible to its original glory.

Jun 14

Senseless Instant Pot Recipes For The Deranged Home Chef

Senseless Instant Pot Recipes For The Deranged Home Chef

Just set it and forget it, baby!

Jun 14

Which Collective Animal Terms Were Created By Professional Zoologists, And Which Were Created By Me…

Which Collective Animal Terms Were Created By Professional Zoologis...

A pageful of questions

Jun 13

The Community Garden Is For Every Body (Especially Your Neighbor’s)

The Community Garden Is For Every Body (Especially Your Neighbor’s)

Jun 13

What You’re Feeling Is Normal, Son. I Hated Playing Baseball When I Was Your Age Too

What You’re Feeling Is Normal, Son. I Hated Playing Baseball When I...

While you’re out there, just remember, I know exactly what you’re feeling

Jun 12

The Best Yo-Yo Ma Jokes Of All Time

The Best Yo-Yo Ma Jokes Of All Time

Yo-Yo Ma is so old. How old is he? Sixty-one.

Jun 11

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