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Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

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Guidelines For Character Accents In Hollywood Films

Guidelines For Character Accents In Hollywood Films

Straight from the Academy of Motion Pictures

Apr 27

I Just Bought Everyone’s DNA From 23andMe!

I Just Bought Everyone’s DNA From 23andMe!

A new YouTube video by MrBeast

Apr 26

Incident Log At The First Blender Factory

Incident Log At The First Blender Factory

A lot of sacrifice paved the way for that mango smoothie.

Apr 25

Am I A Neighborhood Coyote Disguised As A Family Dog Or Just Experiencing Postpartum Depression?

Am I A Neighborhood Coyote Disguised As A Family Dog Or Just Experiencing Postpartum Depression?

In the last year, it feels like I’ve aged way more than seven

Alyssa Giuliani

Apr 24

Which Wizard Of Oz Character Are You Based On Your Menopause Symptoms? And Yes, It’s All Of Them.

Which Wizard Of Oz Character Are You Based On Your Menopause Symptoms? And Yes, It’s All Of Them.

A Technicolor breakdown brought to you by collagen envy and industrial-grade lube.

Shayne Buchwald-Nickoles

Apr 23

Are You There God? It’s Me, A Fly Trapped In The Pool Filter

Are You There God? It’s Me, A Fly Trapped In The Pool Filter

I fell off the wagon (or ledge in this case, pool joke). I’m floating closer towards the filter. I can hear the “GULP GULP CHURN.”

Apr 22

10 Great Songs You Probably Forgot I Wrote

10 Great Songs You Probably Forgot I Wrote

A lot of people act like they don’t even know what I’m referring to when I mention the seminal “Jaywalking and Bay Talking.”

Apr 21

More Heehee's and Hoohoo's

Four Bunnies Of The Apocalypse

Four Bunnies Of The Apocalypse

Thoughts about this, um, unique Easter display

Apr 20

Dear Apple Music, Stop Soft-Launching My Midlife Crisis

Dear Apple Music, Stop Soft-Launching My Midlife Crisis

I’m four songs away from buying cargo shorts and calling it a day.

Apr 19

Easter Is Halloween, Except It’s Pastel

Easter Is Halloween, Except It’s Pastel

Ghosts and goblins are scary. A giant humanoid bunny breaking into your house while you sleep is pastel scary.

Talia Argondezzi

Apr 18

Ways I’ll Never Be Rich Enough To Die

Ways I’ll Never Be Rich Enough To Die

I can’t afford to die like a millionaire.

Apr 18

Every Suspect’s Behavior On “Law & Order: SVU”

Every Suspect’s Behavior On “Law & Order: SVU”

I had nothing to do with this especially heinous sexually-based offense!

Apr 17

I Called An Audible And My End Zone Became The Red Zone

I Called An Audible And My End Zone Became The Red Zone

And this is why I don’t have casual sex

Apr 16

I Respect And Admire All Teachers, Except For The One Who Currently Teaches My Kid

I Respect And Admire All Teachers, Except For The One Who Currently...

We as a people need to celebrate and advocate for teachers, especially the ones that think my son, Ryder, is a good boy.

Apr 16

Are You A Tax Advisor Or The Monkees’ Daydream Believer?

Are You A Tax Advisor Or The Monkees’ Daydream Believer?

Breadearner, get ready to pay less income tax when you hire me

Apr 15

Stopping This Performance Won’t Bring President Lincoln Back To Life

Stopping This Performance Won’t Bring President Lincoln Back To Life

Will you keep them from knowing what happens to our American Cousin?

Apr 14

20 Things My Dad Says Instead Of “I Love You”

20 Things My Dad Says Instead Of “I Love You”

“That’s baseball, Suzyn”

Apr 13

What Wine Tasting Notes Really Mean

What Wine Tasting Notes Really Mean

It really doesn’t taste so bad after six glasses.

Apr 12

Alternatives To Saying “Sorry, I Zoned Out, What?”

Alternatives To Saying “Sorry, I Zoned Out, What?”

“Sorry, my mind’s a brand new Mad Libs book… all blanks”

Apr 11

White Lotus Rewards Members Update

White Lotus Rewards Members Update

We’re taking steps to minimize the number of murders at our properties.

Apr 10

Trumptenkamen II Vows To Make Ancient Egypt Great Again

Trumptenkamen II Vows To Make Ancient Egypt Great Again

Gone are the days of sleepy Joseph and his ugly technicolor dreamcoat.

Rochelle E. Fisher

Apr 10

It Turns Out The City’s Sewage Problem Was The Phantom Of The Opera This Whole Time

It Turns Out The City’s Sewage Problem Was The Phantom Of The Opera...

Imagine trying to have a bowel movement and your bowl starts producing mournful sighs

Danielle Koenig

Apr 9

I’m The Regular Oat In Lucky Charms And I’m Gonna Help You Change Your Life

I’m The Regular Oat In Lucky Charms And I’m Gonna Help You Change Y...

While the marshmallow pieces were at the end of the rainbow, I was at the end of my rope.

Emily Kapp & Daniel Stillman

Apr 8

Why I Couldn’t Make It To Your Thing: A Retrospective

Why I Couldn’t Make It To Your Thing: A Retrospective

I’d love to come! But I just… can’t. Here’s why.

Talia Argondezzi

Apr 7

Do You Have What It Takes To Be A Character In A Young Adult Mystery-Thriller?

Do You Have What It Takes To Be A Character In A Young Adult Myster...

Pause that true crime podcast you are recording and find out.

Laurie Miller Hornik

Apr 6

Happy Birthday! Now Get Your Own Phone Plan.

Happy Birthday! Now Get Your Own Phone Plan.

You’re 50 for Christ’s sake, it’s time to grow up.

Apr 5

Hey Lumon, What The Hell Have You Been Feeding My Innie?

Hey Lumon, What The Hell Have You Been Feeding My Innie?

I don’t care how mysterious the work is, I’m sick of my Innie destroying my toilet.

Apr 4

I’m The Understanding Wife Whose Husband Cheats On Her With The Protagonist In This Period…

I’m The Understanding Wife Whose Husband Cheats On Her With The Pro...

I like to pride myself on being, above all things, classy.

Caroline Horwitz

Apr 4

Unfortunately, You Are Way Too Hot To Be My Doctor

Unfortunately, You Are Way Too Hot To Be My Doctor

Please stop telling me to relax. I have never been less relaxed in my entire life.

Apr 3

My Name Is Jesus And I’m A Burnt-Out Gifted Kid

My Name Is Jesus And I’m A Burnt-Out Gifted Kid

Can anyone relate?

Emily Kapp & Daniel Stillman

Apr 2

What Will Happen If I Close These Tabs?

What Will Happen If I Close These Tabs?

If I close these tabs, we will lose another Library of Alexandria.

Andrew Patrick Clark

Apr 1

We’re McSwearsalot Brothers Flooring

We’re McSwearsalot Brothers Flooring

And swearing is an integral part of our flooring process

Mar 31

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