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Welcome to Hotel De Brooklyn Apartment! Please Make Yourself At Home On Our Stained Communal Couch

Welcome to Hotel De Brooklyn Apartment! Please Make Yourself At Home On Our Stained Communal Couch

Don’t worry, one of the rats is my roommate’s pet.
Go to the profile of Peter Clark-Deutsch
Peter Clark-Deutsch
More Specific Availability Statuses

More Specific Availability Statuses

Do Not Disturb; Working On My Side Hustle
Go to the profile of Nathan Vogel
Nathan Vogel
We Am The Bones Of Your House And We Look Good

We Am The Bones Of Your House And We Look Good

Sure, no one will ever see us, but we’re what makes your outdated and tacky house a home.
Go to the profile of Andrew Belfry
Andrew Belfry
The Inner Thoughts Of A Roku Remote

The Inner Thoughts Of A Roku Remote

Somehow, my battery is always low.
Go to the profile of Nat Hrvatin
Nat Hrvatin
An Influencer Delivers Your Father’s Eulogy

An Influencer Delivers Your Father’s Eulogy

Most of you know me through my YouTube channel. Or my collaboration with Velamints, the original sugar-free mint.
Go to the profile of Kevin Maher
Kevin Maher
Reschedule An Appointment With Your Avoidant Doctor’s Office In Thirteen Simple Steps

Reschedule An Appointment With Your Avoidant Doctor’s Office In Thirteen Simple Steps

Continue calling daily. One day your call will connect.
Go to the profile of Amanda Goble
Amanda Goble
You Look Your Age!

You Look Your Age!

What is age, anyway, other than a place in time that we run away from futilely, screaming nonstop about how little it matters?
Go to the profile of Alex Baia
Alex Baia
More Heehee's and Hoohoo's
I Read Most Of “The Lottery” And I Wasn’t Scared

I Read Most Of “The Lottery” And I Wasn’t Scared

No scares here, or at the end of Shirley Jackson’s short story (I assume)
Go to the profile of Devin Wallace
Devin Wallace
Glassdoor Reviews For That Hill In Hell Where You Have To Push A Boulder

Glassdoor Reviews For That Hill In Hell Where You Have To Push A Bo...

You expect it to be hot in Hell, but the temperatures here are just plain ridiculous.
Go to the profile of Adam Dietz
Adam Dietz
My Responses To Fundraising Texts From The Democratic Party

My Responses To Fundraising Texts From The Democratic Party

“Sorry, I spent all my money on a one-way ticket to Finland.”
Go to the profile of Catherine Durkin Robinson
Catherine Durkin Robinson
Confessions Of A Dish Gobbler

Confessions Of A Dish Gobbler

An absurd tale of a perverted sink’s insatiable lust for dishware.
Go to the profile of Luka Bönisch
Luka Bönisch
I Began Holding The Door For A Cute Coworker While She Was Still Too Far Away, And Now I’ve Trapped…

I Began Holding The Door For A Cute Coworker While She Was Still To...

Come, crawl inside my mind and hear me choose death over awkwardness!
Go to the profile of Andrew Genser
Andrew Genser
My Overly Positive Murals Will Cure Your Manic Depression

My Overly Positive Murals Will Cure Your Manic Depression

I understand that people can’t always match the wall’s enthusiasm.
Go to the profile of Chason Gordon
Chason Gordon
Love Island: Yellowjackets Edition

Love Island: Yellowjackets Edition

Couple up or die trying.
Go to the profile of Maggie Downs
Maggie Downs
The Guy Who Writes Used Car Ads Is Going Through Something

The Guy Who Writes Used Car Ads Is Going Through Something

This relationship did not come with a warranty.
Go to the profile of Aaron Chown
Aaron Chown
The Secret To My Success As A Writer Is Being The Child Of A Very Successful Writer

The Secret To My Success As A Writer Is Being The Child Of A Very S...

My advice when it comes to seeking representation is three simple words, “Go ask daddy!”
Go to the profile of Adam Dietz
Adam Dietz
The Ideal Candidate Won’t Read This Job Listing Too Closely

The Ideal Candidate Won’t Read This Job Listing Too Closely

Most importantly, the ideal candidate is 5–7 years younger than you, with 10 more years of experience.
Go to the profile of Kevin Maher
Kevin Maher
The Warm Food Has Arrived, So Let’s Begin Our Meeting And Then Have The Food

The Warm Food Has Arrived, So Let’s Begin Our Meeting And Then Have...

The hour-long function must come first.
Go to the profile of Caleb Coy
Caleb Coy
A Review Of My Future Book: In Praise Of The C+ Parent

A Review Of My Future Book: In Praise Of The C+ Parent

Should we call someone? I’ll answer my own question, yes. I’m copying and pasting this entire review to Child Protective Services.
Go to the profile of Jampatmulligan
Jampatmulligan
My High School Bully’s Apology Email

My High School Bully’s Apology Email

I’m sorry you feel that way.
Go to the profile of Erin A Ross
Erin A Ross
Which Best Picture Nominees Could I Beat In A Fight?

Which Best Picture Nominees Could I Beat In A Fight?

I have a Letterboxd AND a red belt.
Go to the profile of Katie Kauppi
Katie Kauppi
Insurance Denies Marvin Gaye’s Claim For ‘Sexual Healing’

Insurance Denies Marvin Gaye’s Claim For ‘Sexual Healing’

I’m not even sure if we’re allowed to encourage you to pay for this out of pocket
Go to the profile of Tyler Gooch
Tyler Gooch
I Relate To Kendrick Lamar

I Relate To Kendrick Lamar

Now, I know you’re wondering: how did I, a fifty-nine-year-old man living in a flyover state, become a stan…
Go to the profile of DH Healy
DH Healy
Forgive But Never Forget: A Letter From Your Toxic Fat Cell

Forgive But Never Forget: A Letter From Your Toxic Fat Cell

Fat cells have memory, can’t you remember how great we were together?
Go to the profile of Conner Jackson
Conner Jackson
We’re the Lame Duck Cops In The Action Movie And Our Self Esteem Is Taking A Hit

We’re the Lame Duck Cops In The Action Movie And Our Self Esteem Is...

You know us, but you definitely don’t love us.
Go to the profile of Adam Dietz
Adam Dietz
The Pussy-Cat From The Owl And The Pussy-Cat Poem Wants A Divorce

The Pussy-Cat From The Owl And The Pussy-Cat Poem Wants A Divorce

You “splurged” on your favorite food: mince and slices of quince which we ate with a runcible spoon. Not even a spork.
Go to the profile of Rochelle E. Fisher
Rochelle E. Fisher
Best Picture Reviews By Me, The Dad Of A Six-Week-Old

Best Picture Reviews By Me, The Dad Of A Six-Week-Old

My picks, my plops, and my postpartum depression
Go to the profile of Kirill B
Kirill B
I’m One Of The Townspeople From Beauty And The Beast: We Need To Talk About Belle

I’m One Of The Townspeople From Beauty And The Beast: We Need To Ta...

Belle might turn her nose up at the “baker with his tray like always,” but I, for one, appreciate his commitment to consistency
Go to the profile of Emily Kling
Emily Kling
Meet Greg Clarke, The Artist Behind This Iconic Movie Ratings Poster

Meet Greg Clarke, The Artist Behind This Iconic Movie Ratings Poster

An internet rabbit hole led me to the visionary behind my favorite movie ratings poster.
Go to the profile of Emily Menez
Emily Menez
As A Cat Herder I’d Like To Clear Up A Few Misconceptions

As A Cat Herder I’d Like To Clear Up A Few Misconceptions

A real cat herder uses his trusty laser pointer to wrangle them cats right quick.
Go to the profile of Richie Zaborowske
Richie Zaborowske
We Are The 13 Remaining Hairs In Your Comb Over

We Are The 13 Remaining Hairs In Your Comb Over

The dirty baker’s dozen
Go to the profile of John Corten
John Corten
I’m A Public Speaker, And I’m Begging You To Shout Back “Good Morning” Louder Than That

I’m A Public Speaker, And I’m Begging You To Shout Back “Good Morni...

Please?
Go to the profile of Sara Nicole
Sara Nicole
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