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Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

Hot Off The Internet Printing Press

How To Start Reading A Book

How To Start Reading A Book

Dust off that shelf and conquer those chapters!

Dec 1

“Everyone In Hollywood Loves Your Proposal For A New Series”

“Everyone In Hollywood Loves Your Proposal For A New Series”

We love, love, love it!

Nov 30

10 Easy Ways To Tell Someone They’re Fat, Inspired By My Mother

10 Easy Ways To Tell Someone They’re Fat, Inspired By My Mother

Unsolicited gems of advice from a top weight loss coach.

Nov 29

A Vegan Works The Butterball Turkey Talk Line

A Vegan Works The Butterball Turkey Talk Line

How many people are opting into your flesh orgy?

Nov 28

From Your Local Buy Nothing Group: A Platter To Present Your Baby Like A Turkey

From Your Local Buy Nothing Group: A Platter To Present Your Baby Like A Turkey

Great condition!

Laura Berlinsky-Schine

Nov 27

It’s Me, Your Friendly Mindfulness App Telling You It’s Time To Meditate

It’s Me, Your Friendly Mindfulness App Telling You It’s Time To Meditate

I couldn’t help but notice you haven’t used me in a couple of weeks.

Nov 26

Reasons I’d Need To Shop At The Airport Luggage Store

Reasons I’d Need To Shop At The Airport Luggage Store

Without thinking ahead, I leave for the airport carrying all of my clothes.

Nov 25

More Heehee's and Hoohoo's

All You Need To Bake Sourdough At Home Is Three Ingredients And An Unbelievably Long List Of Tools

All You Need To Bake Sourdough At Home Is Three Ingredients And An Unbelievably Long List Of Tools

But it can’t be just any flour, water, and salt

Nov 24

Every Board Game In The Drug Store Board Game Section

Every Board Game In The Drug Store Board Game Section

Extreme Tidal Bloodsplosion

Nov 23

Beetle Beatle Battle Bingo

Beetle Beatle Battle Bingo

For fans of bugs, bludgeoning, or beats, play our Beetle Beatle Battle Bingo.

Kit Coyne Irwin

Nov 22

Masters Courses For The Unemployed

Masters Courses For The Unemployed

Learn concepts such as: Pedagogies of bundling yourself in the covers like a burrito.

Nov 21

I Was Ready For A European Holiday Proposal — My Boyfriend Was Not

I Was Ready For A European Holiday Proposal — My Boyfriend Was Not

Perhaps we should establish the rules of engagement

Nov 20

Stages Of Smoking A Cigar

Stages Of Smoking A Cigar

A step-by-step guide to ruining that cardigan.

Nov 20

Three-Year-Old Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs

Three-Year-Old Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs

I need self-actualization now!

Nov 19

Born To Write

A trailer script

Nov 19

FAQs About Drinking Coffee After 2 PM

FAQs About Drinking Coffee After 2 PM

Why is it that sometimes I can tolerate coffee after 2 PM while other times I can’t? Because the world is a cruel place.

Nov 18

We’re Going Back to the Office 5 Days a Week to Figure Out What the Hell Nate & Natasha’s Deal Is

We’re Going Back to the Office 5 Days a Week to Figure Out What the...

Their aura is too thick to penetrate with just one day of in-person work.

Nov 18

Apologies For Some Recent Disruptions To My ASMR Relaxation Soundscapes

Apologies For Some Recent Disruptions To My ASMR Relaxation Soundsc...

The hauntingly beautiful serenade of a lone male humpback whale was transporting us- until he and a female began rowdy lovemaking.

Nov 17

FAQs For The Couple That’s Having A Nontraditional Wedding

FAQs For The Couple That’s Having A Nontraditional Wedding

Hard-hitting questions met with all our annoying answers.

Amy Lynne Berger

Nov 16

What I Think Will Happen Every Time I Sing Karaoke

What I Think Will Happen Every Time I Sing Karaoke

A trio of tech bros turn ghostly pale. “She’s as talented as she is beautiful,” says the first Patagonia vest to the second Patagonia vest.

Nov 15

I Can’t Sign Up For HelloFresh Because My Neighbor Has Signed Up For HelloFresh

I Can’t Sign Up For HelloFresh Because My Neighbor Has Signed Up Fo...

An Open Letter to FedEx

Nov 15

Ways To Quickly Exit A Zoom Meeting That Has Gone On Way Too Long

Ways To Quickly Exit A Zoom Meeting That Has Gone On Way Too Long

Hold a gun to your own head and threaten suicide.

Nov 14

13 Degrees More Advanced Than A Ph.D.

13 Degrees More Advanced Than A Ph.D.

From Overlord of Fine Arts to Big Daddy of Engineering.

Nov 13

14 Ways I Tried To Get The Smell Of Cat Piss Out Of My Favorite Rug

14 Ways I Tried To Get The Smell Of Cat Piss Out Of My Favorite Rug

None of them worked.

Nov 12

Seeking A Hot, Younger Woman Who’s Out Of My League

Seeking A Hot, Younger Woman Who’s Out Of My League

Let me explain my uniquely masochistic value proposition.

Nov 12

My Conversation With A Doctor Who Won’t Do Anything Useful

My Conversation With A Doctor Who Won’t Do Anything Useful

An attempt to fix Doctor Do-Nothing.

Nov 11

This Week On Our Breakfast Cereal Podcast We’re (Inexplicably) Tackling Systemic Racism

This Week On Our Breakfast Cereal Podcast We’re (Inexplicably) Tack...

Pretty much everyone we’ve told about our upcoming episode has said that we shouldn’t do it.

Nov 11

I’m The Chief Mindfulness Officer At A Company That Makes Brass Knuckles

I’m The Chief Mindfulness Officer At A Company That Makes Brass Knu...

The goal is to achieve that perfect flow state where you’re both present in the moment and perfectly positioned to knock someone’s teeth…

Nov 10

Top 5 Hair Growth Tips To Avoid Aging Like A Normal Human

Top 5 Hair Growth Tips To Avoid Aging Like A Normal Human

I spent my kid’s college fund testing products to regain my lush locks, so you don’t have to

Nov 9

How To Improve Your Marriage Without Having To Interact With Your Awful Husband

How To Improve Your Marriage Without Having To Interact With Your A...

It’s just easier to do this without him.

Nov 8

Al Pacino’s Required Ramble Before Every Book Plug

Al Pacino’s Required Ramble Before Every Book Plug

A memoir reading to remember

Matthew E Kasper

Nov 7

Was It The Edible Or The Ick?

Was It The Edible Or The Ick?

How soon is too soon to get high with a new dating prospect?

Nov 6

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