Understanding and exploring my Catfight Fetish
Am sure all of us come with our own baggage of sexual fetishism that may be deep rooted in some childhood experience or may be we are just build with these. According to K. M. Vekquin, “Sexual fetishism or erotic fetishism is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish”. In this post I plan to document my experience of getting introduced to my catfight fetish not only to self reflect but also to understand if there are any parallels to this.
I am 31 when am writing this (2014) and I have had a fetish for female combat since I was about 14 or 15 years old. If I look back at my childhood, I remember some signs of Agonophilia even before that age. We used to wrestle in school as a sport when I was around 12 years old and I remember some sort of excitement that I used to experience in wrestling as a sport back then. By the age of 14, I already used to fantasize a couple of my female school teachers wrestle each other and get excited sexually thinking about it. By the time I was about 16, I was first exposed to Internet search and I started with searching for things like ‘female wrestling’, ‘female nude wrestling’ etc and that’s when I first discovered the term ‘catfights’. Even back then, internet was buzzing with tons of images and fantasy depictions related to catfights and probably that’s when this crystallized as a fetish and since then it has stayed with me all through my life.
Though I got into this early, I always thought this is highly unnatural and hence I never was comfortable discussing it openly. In junior college and in first year of bachelors, I tried to discuss this with a couple of close friends. They found it arousing too, but never got as stuck to it as I was, so I gave up on discussing it even with closest of friends. I started dating stable when I was 17 but never dared to share this with my girl friend for the fear of being outcasted as a pervert. The same girl is my wife now and I we enjoy a happy married life but I surely regret the fact that she is unaware of such a vital aspect of my life.
I have engaged anonymously and under pen names (like indiancatfights, xs etc) with Internet communities, forums etc since 2002 with an attempt to find like minded individuals, may be get lucky in fulfilling my fantasy to see a real catfight and also to provide Indian people a platform to interact with each other about this fetish. I used to maintain a small website with a very active forum back then and all these attempts were quite active till 2007 end. Post that, I got married, moved to a new city and got busy with life as usual and almost gave up on all these internet community building efforts. Its only in 2012 that I resumed it with some blogs and then continued it since 2013 at indiancatfights.in and also consolidated some work as ebooks for Kindle.
Though the period between 2007 and 2012 was a void in terms of social internet activity on catfights front, the fetish never actually reduced. On the contrary, it only increased. For these 5 years I drew a lot of sexual excitement by watching female wrestling, catfight, sexfight videos etc. For all this time, the fetish grew so strong that I almost jerked off every alternate day watching these videos etc. I have been married since 2008 and looking back at life, I feel at times I would have been more driven by this fetish rather than enjoying sex with my gorgeous wife.
Even as on date, I am able to enjoy vanilla sex because I have learnt to trick my mind. While having an intercourse, I draw a lot of early excitement from my fetish rather than a foreplay. I know its not completely fair, but well, atleast I enjoy sex and am able to please my wife.
I read somewhere that Sigmund Freud once stated “The only unnatural sexual behavior is none at all.” May be its quite true, there’s probably nothing wrong at all in having such a fetish and me be everyone has similar ones. However the social context we live in, especially in a country like India screws things up a bit. It would never be easy for me to publicly accept all this.
The bottom line is that I accept that having fetishes like this is not uncommon, but I still can’t convince myself to share it with my wife or accept it more openly. Such is the paradox of my life.
