Mastering a Lost Art

small talk

Oh, the awkward silence. You twiddle with your drink, swirling the ice cubes in an effort to make some kind of noise to fill the emptiness. Why is it so hard to come up with something to say?

We’ve all been there. The “Hi, how are you?” and the weather can only fill so much time and doesn’t reveal much about the other person. Whether socially or professionally, small talk feels to be a dying art. But because it tends to occur in the beginning stages of developing a network relationship, and can either build or destroy bridges, this is something to practice.

Small talk is supposed to create light, casual conversation between those who don’t know each other well. Small talk can actually be expected in some situations. So, how do you do it?

Make it simple. Your goal in small talk should be to build on mutual interests. Establish common ground. Similarities. Relationships.

One way to relieve these awkward situations is to prepare. Mentally have a list of conversation topics that you can include in the conversation.

Some safe topics of conversation:

• How do you know (insert host’s name)?
• How was your day?
• What caused you to become interested in this profession?
• Tell me about your latest project.
• What do you like best about your job?
• What do you hope to accomplish next?
• What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
• Where are you from originally?
• Tell me about your family…
• Have you seen any good movies lately?
• Are you reading anything interesting?
• Do you have any favorite restaurants in the area?
• Do you have any special weekend (or holiday) plans?

Be careful not to give too many details, especially personal ones. Remember, your goal is to establish common ground. Not have a counseling session.

In addition to talking, listen. If you are doing all the talking, you’re not building relationships. You’re giving a lecture. Identify topics that others try to bring up in conversation, and help develop that into a full conversation. To do so, have some follow up questions at the ready. Think when, what, where, why, and how questions. For example:

• How did you become interested in that?
• What do you like best about that?
• What made you decide to…?
• Tell me more about…

Being a master at small talk also means you know what to avoid. While you can follow the lead of others, and at times push the topic to a deeper level, be sensitive to when to back off.

Topics to avoid with all your strength:

• Politics
• Religion
• Emotionally charged issues
• Divorce
• Personal health
• Personal family problems
• Anything gory

Part of mastering small talk is also anticipating when a conversation is turning tense or awkward and steer the conversation back to a safe topic. Notice when others are showing signs of being uncomfortable with the topic. Look for the earliest opportunity to interject and bring up a transitional topic. Do so respectfully, politely, and yet confidentially. One way is to say, “Earlier you mentioned (insert topic). What do you think about…(expand on topic).” Or try, “Getting back to what you said earlier…”

Watch your language, style, and nonverbal communication, and incorporate active listening skills. Also, check out more articles on the Saltsha Academy!

Your turn! What do you do when the silence is deafening?