Review: ‘Three Thousand Years of Longing’ is Inconsistent but Intriguing
George Miller’s 2022 fantasy romance is a strange but beguiling parable about storytelling and love, with phenomenal special effects and a hit-or-miss storyline
Three Thousand Years of Longing is a visual feast. This film boasts some of the most well-made and consistently entertaining special effects that I’ve ever seen. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a film before and been excited thinking about what the next special effect will be.
I can’t say I felt that same excitement during the first twenty minutes of the film, which I found to be quite embarrassing. Alithea, portrayed by Tilda Swinton, delivers an uninspired monologue as she takes a flight to co-deliver speeches about the history of storytelling, an area she has dedicated her professional career towards as an academic.
She experiences two hallucinations throughout these scenes. The first hallucination was so rushed and out of place that it was unintentionally funny, while the second is the antithesis of tension in a scene that’s bordering on an attempt at horror.
Alithea is also quite an uninspired character herself. It’s always a bad sign when the most memorable aspect of a character (and the actor’s portrayal of them) is their accent. There just isn’t anything all that distinctive or intriguing about her. Even the special effects in these opening scenes are quite bad, which is unfortunate since it’s our first glimpse of them.
Another disappointing aspect of the film’s beginning was the acting from some of the side characters, especially the actors for whom you could tell English wasn’t their first language. Their performances were honestly quite strange, where it felt like they were testing out their lines in real time as they were uttering them. It’s one thing to have an accent or to inhabit a character that is bashful about speaking a language they’re not used to, but the actors seemed unusually hesitant and faltering when they delivered their lines, never feeling like these were words spoken by their characters.
Luckily, these problems are alleviated once the Djinn shows up, played by Idris Elba. From here, the side characters never make a return, the special effects get considerably better and actually align with the tone of the stories, and the film’s focus shifts from Alithea to the Djinn.
Accidentally unleashing this spirit when she buys an antique bottle in a shop in Istanbul, the fantastical being offers her three wishes as long as they correspond to her heart’s desire. While she deliberates, he explains how he managed to end up in captivity for thousands of years on different occasions.
Each story is entertaining, and though these tales aren’t likely to stick in your mind once the film is over, they are still effective in their comedic elements and rare dramatic moments. Although she doesn’t ever become captivating, I found myself warming up to Alithea during these segments, as she inquires more about the djinn’s backstory and tries to think of three wishes that won’t make her fall prey to the ‘monkey’s paw’ problem, where she wishes for things that ultimately lead to her damnation.
From there, the film becomes a love story, which, although tenderly delivered and an interesting development, isn’t exactly dazzling or memorable. The conflict towards the end of the film feels like it comes out of nowhere, with no set-ups to build towards it. It’s also here that the film tries its hand at being socially conscious, but there’s really so few ideas to rub together, and it’s already so far into the film, that there’s no spark.
Again the side characters are a frustrating nuisance. This time they are Alithea’s neighbours, who are given absolutely no development whatsoever and are thrown into the story out of nowhere. Within a minute of screen-time, the two elderly women repeatedly insult Alithea and deliver a fairly detailed account as to why they dislike immigration into Britain and distrust immigrants.
There was never any social commentary before in the film to establish this critique of anti-immigrant sentiment. Oftentimes, the lack of set-ups in Three Thousand Years of Longing gives it an appropriately ridiculous, fantastical quality, which works because of the meta obsession with stories in the film. But that doesn’t change the fact that these two women are terribly written characters, who are immediately offered redemption and a chance to endear themselves to Alithea just a few minutes after their introduction, when Alithea knocks on their door to offer them food that the djinn prepared.
It’s the kind of scene you would expect to see in a 60 second Christmas advert, where the curmudgeonly, bitter old man or woman learns to embrace the magic of Christmas when their neighbours get together to offer them a lovely surprise, before they all enjoy a meal together, laughing and sharing stories. The women, who are unbelievably bitter, ignorant and bigoted people, say virtually nothing in this scene, staring at Alithea as if they’re two innocent puppies in a rescue shelter trying to look as pitiable as possible so they will be adopted.
Luckily, this trite stuff is rare enough, but for as enjoyable as the film was overall, it leaves such little to reflect on after it’s over that I find myself quickly recalling its negative qualities, even though it has far more positive ones.
While it might not be particularly memorable, Three Thousands Years of Longing is a fun experience that keeps you on your toes throughout its runtime, as well as a visual delight, with engaging and innovative camerawork and stellar special effects.
