Using Feedback Models in Your Everyday Life

Now that you’re a pro on running a feedback session, how about actually using one of those models at work and at home, with friends and with colleagues in your day-to-day life?

That sounds great, where should I start?

Break down your feedback models of choice to understand the components, and practice by providing examples for them. For the purpose of consistency, I’ll break down one of the two models that I mentioned in my last post.

Situation, Behavior, Impact, Response: SBI(R)

When we give feedback whether positive or constructive, we want the feedback to be actionable. The first step to achieve that is to lay out the situation (S) in which the task or action that you are giving feedback on occurred.

Some examples of this could be:

“ Yesterday in the staff meeting…”
“ Earlier this morning when you were getting the kids ready for school”

So far so good, what’s next?

After laying out the situation, we want to present the behavior (b) that we observed or that was told to us. This is the trickiest part of giving feedback because we want to describe the behavior without including assumptions about why this action may have happened.

Remember that old saying, “don’t assume, it makes an a** out of you and me?” Well this couldn’t be more true for giving constructive feedback. Chances are the person we’re giving feedback to didn’t make their mistake on account of trying to do anything malicious, or anything else we may assume. Therefore, it is best to just state the error and together try and figure out why the error happened and how it can be improved upon.

For example:
“ You interrupted my presentation before I had finished.”
(See here, we are refraining from attributing this action to anything.)

“ You wrote me a thoughtful note to wish me good luck on my big report at work”. (In this example, we see that it is pretty easy to leave our assumptions out of the equation because it is positive feedback.)

Now that the hard part is over, let’s move on.

Now that our feedback receiver understands where, when and what they did, it is important to explain to them how it made us feel, the impact (I) it had on us.

It is crucial to use “I” statements when describing the impact a behavior had on us or others so that the feedback receiver understands the effect that their behavior had.

For example:

“ I felt disrespected and embarrassed. It was hard for me to get back on course after the interruption.

“ I felt so happy that you took the time to be so thoughtful and remember the presentation.”

Last, but not least

The most important part of the feedback. We want to give our response (r) to what occurred and what questions we have for the feedback receiver. The most significant part of this is identifying the solution and working together to come up with the next steps.

The best thing to do in this situation is to have the feedback receiver come up with their own solutions.

For example:


“ Can you help me understand why you stopped my presentation to speak? What ways can I support you so that this doesn’t happen again?

“ The note made me feel great all day, especially when I delivered my report. I would love for you to do this again in the future!

The complete examples

Constructive
S “ Yesterday in the staff meeting…”

B “ You interrupted my presentation before I had finished.”

I: “ I felt disrespected and embarrassed. It was hard for me to get back on course after the interruption.

R: Can you help me understand why you stopped my presentation to speak? What ways can I support you so that this doesn’t happen again?

Note to remember, in any feedback model that you choose, you may want to add in an alternative action/behavior and an alternative response, to help the feedback receiver understand constructive feedback.

In this example, I could have done this in between the “I” and “R” by saying, “If you had waited until the Q & A section at the end of my presentation to bring up your thoughts and questions, I would have felt more prepared to answer you.


Positive
S: “ Earlier this morning when you were getting the kids ready for school”

B: “ You wrote me a thoughtful note to wish me good luck on my big report at work

I: “ I felt so happy that you took the time to be so thoughtful and remember the report I had to give.”

R: The note made me feel great all day, especially when I delivered my report. I would love for you to do this again in the future!

It’s as easy as that.

Now go ahead and try giving your own feedback using this simple framework!