The Life of a Teetering College Student
Living in a house I don’t call home
I’ve been standing in the middle of my kitchen for ten minutes now. I cannot for the life of me find the baking sheet I need to put my cookie batter on. I’ve tried every cupboard and every shelf but I have no idea where anything is in this house.
When I say this house, I mean my mom’s new house that she moved into less than two years ago. Because I’ve been at school, and back in Chicago during breaks, this is the longest period of time I have been here.
On Thursday, March 12th I, along with the rest of the student body at SMU, received an email from President Turner telling us that after the week of Spring Break the university would be moved online for two weeks. Days later came another email sending the rest of the semester online.
We all saw it coming, and quite honestly I was excited at the time, not coming to realize how much it would impact my day to day life. All I was thinking about was not having to go to class anymore, and hoped for a lighter workload.
Friday morning after the initial email I packed up all I could fit in my suitcases, packed up my car, and drove down to my fairly new hometown of Austin. The trip to Cabo I was expecting to go on that same morning was cancelled within minutes of talking on a three-way call with my parents.
At the time the coronavirus didn’t feel like a threat to me, I didn’t see why I couldn’t go to Mexico, and was frustrated at the thought of the rest of my friends going on the trip I was supposed to be on. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was not the one who would be directly affected by traveling, it would be my dad.
My dad has a weakened immune system, and due to that he also has compromised lungs. If all had gone to plan I would have gone to Cabo then to Florida to see him. I could have potentially infected him after coming back from Cabo, which wasn’t something I thought about when my parents told me I wasn’t allowed to go anymore.
My stubbornness and selfishness made me unaware of the big picture. This virus was taking the lives of people, those with compromised immune systems as well as those who were healthy as could be.
After arriving in Austin it hadn’t really hit me. Looking back, I should have taken advantage of the boredom. Now, the boredom has turned into having no motivation, no productivity and a barely present positive outlook on what is happening.
I often find myself wishing I was back home, in Chicago. Although I would be sheltered-in-place there, the comfort in getting into my car and driving around town, or to the beach, would fill me up enough to combat as much emptiness as possible compared to now. I have nowhere to go, and no sense of where I am.
I definitely could have it worse, I find myself complaining about little things like not having a library to effectively do my work in, but some people are left without food. I constantly bicker with my sister and mom, but others are stuck in homes with their abusers.
Although my hardships don’t seem to compare to others who have it much worse, it is still evident that the mentality of everyone across the nation is weakened. With every piece of news we receive being a negative one, people are left feeling hopeless and without subsequent answers to when we’ll get through this, or if we will at all.
The national depression hotlines are at a peak high, and mental health is dwindling for the majority of the country. Americans have reported over 60% decrease in productivity and positive outlook on daily life. With negativity swallowing the country’s attention, I, along with the rest of the country, am left with little to do but to try my best to realize this will get better eventually.
My time in Austin has been bitter-sweet. I have slipped back into my old ways, and have come accustomed to my mom cooking and cleaning for me. I missed my mom, my dogs, and my sister, but was upset to be stripped away from my friends at school. Having three people, all working from home, along with two dogs and a puppy has been exhausting and has forced me to re-evaluate my time management skills.
The house I’ve been essentially stuck in does not feel like a home to me. I’ve been here for more than a month, and that is the longest I’ve stayed here. I find myself stumbling around the kitchen or my own bathroom looking for stuff I would have known where to be back in my old house in Chicago. Being sheltered in a house that doesn’t quite feel like home is an obstacle I am working on getting over.
I feel displaced from my friends, although I know I wouldn’t be able to see them even if I was in Chicago, but there would be a larger sense of comfort knowing I was near them. As an extrovert I rely so heavily on time spent with others, and find myself struggling to feel any purpose when all I do now is sit in my house, go on the occasional walk, or drive to the grocery store. I feel helpless in the environment I am in, and have lost my newly grown adult independence.
With a whirlwind of emotions, and quite frankly too much time to sulk in them, I am trying my best to appreciate all the positive things around me. I do not have coronavirus, and nobody I personally know does. I am in a loving home, with a stable income, and the ability to wake up, complete my schoolwork, and spend time with my family. That is going to be good enough for the time being.
In recent days I have tried to find space and time for myself. I take drives by myself, even with my maps app, and try to acclimate myself to my new hometown. With so much change, it is important to remind oneself about the simple joys left in life. As a positive ending note, I did in fact find the baking sheet.
