Don’t I look scary!??

Advice From The Scary Dog!

Mask It Up

If you must wear a mask — and, I hasten to say, you really must if you give two shits about yourself or your family, friends and neighbours—here are a few very practical suggestions about what not to do from the point of view of an actual mask. THE MASK OF THE SCARY DOG.

First, don’t eat your mask. Ever. Bad dog! It might smell as tempting as the dead things real dogs like to roll in, but it will taste like cotton covered with bad breath and all sorts of nasty bacteria and viruses. Also, if you do put it in your mouth, wash it after. The mask I mean. Also your mouth.

Second, don’t forget to cover your nose.

Huh???

You may think it looks sporty and that it’s easier to breathe that way, but it’s dangerous and everyone will know you’re a narcissistic douche.

Third, when you’ve got a big snout, don’t forget to cover your mouth:

Ooops. (Hey—distraction—did you notice one ear flops down just like my friend Molesley?)

Fourth, it goes without saying, but don’t cover your eyes and pretend this pandemic isn’t happening.

Though I look like a real presidential-style douche, I have to admit this was super fun!

Finally, don’t play with your mask. Not even for treats. Who’s a good dog???

This was even more fun, but Bad Dog. NO!

Oh, the hilarity of it all. By the way, this is the correct way to wear a mask (when you’re already wearing a mask).

Good boy!

Wearing your mask properly now will greatly increase your chances of having a happy, healthy post-pandemic life. So take the wise advice of THE MASK OF THE SCARY DOG.

OR ELSE.

If you don’t wear your mask and wear it properly, be afraid. Be very afraid!

All photos taken amateurly on a broken iPhone 6 by David Montgomery. Huzzah!