Dogs for Donald
In Response to alto’s Fictional Story Prompt
All Content by Dennett
Yeah, sure, we look like innocent dogs. That’s our cover.
We are from Polk County, Florida, one of the reddest counties in Florida, voting heavily for our Supreme Leader Donald Trump — 54.88 percent to be exact. Most of our populace worships his Donaldship. Many residents have shrines in their yards dedicated to Emperor Donald — photos, spotlights, MAGA flags and stickers, you name it — the people of very white Polk County (79.1 %) are loyal Trump supporters.
We are dogs. We can’t vote but we can spy and we can influence.
We were sent to a dirty blue county, one that voted 59 percent for Crooked Hillary, to infiltrate those socialist bastards.
Our true red owners devised a plan — with our help, of course. They advertised us on Facebook as needing a home because they were moving to a retirement community. As 10–year-old sisters, we had to be re-homed together — an important part of the plan. They arranged for another Trump supporter in our county — one of his true red LGBTQ supporters (He has many, don’t you know?) to re-post our ad to a friend in the enemy territory. A lesbian-homo-Clinton-supporter fell for it and told some socialist liberals she knew, who were looking to adopt an older dog, about us. They fell for our ploy!
The socialist liberals contacted our owners to discuss adopting us. We were in like Flynn!
Soon those disgusting Democrats were on the road to God’s country — Polk County, Florida. Our plan was activated.
Since arriving in liberal land, we’ve been earning the trust of our socialist captors:
allowing our heads and tummies to be rubbed, gaining their affection and blinding them from our mission.
We walk obediently during the day:
And look disarming and cute:
while carrying out our mission for our Supreme Benefactor, the Greatest President EVER, Donald Trump, The Spokesman of Our Lord Jesus.
We don’t have fingers or thumbs and are incredibly short, so escape while the enemies sleep is futile. Instead, we wait until the snoring and soft breathing begins. Then, I, Syau, climb on a chair and access the evil-doer man’s computer, which sits on a small desk in the bedroom. He is an immigrant and we know about them, right, Trumpettes?? Too bad the wall wasn’t built to keep him out. Okay, okay, it wouldn’t have worked because he came here legally by plane long, long ago, but you know what I mean — don’t need any of those brown subversives here in the good ole USA, right?
I open his email while he sleeps, innocently sending messages to his children and friends, praising the leadership of Comrade Donald. I comment on Fox News website commending their unbiased reporting. I sign petitions supporting The Wall and the NRA and Kavanaugh and warn Nike I will never buy their stock or their shoes, which of course I can’t because I am a dog and have no money or feet but they don’t know that, and make disgusting comments about Kaepernick on CNN.
While I am busy on the man’s computer, my sister Sophie goes to what is called “the kids’ room”, even though there are no kids here and we have never seen any kids — suspicious, don’t you think? — and gets on the computer belonging to the feminist who doesn’t believe in the commandants of our Lord and Savior.
A website called Medium is always open. Sophie gets on Medium and wrecks havoc with the woman’s liberal, baby-killing, Black-Lives-Mattering, NRA-hating, immigrant-loving persona. My sister trolls all the other Medium liberals, pretending to be that woman. We chuckle silently, which is all we can do because we are dogs, when she can’t comprehend the responses in her notifications.
What the fuck? she exclaims, reading the hate comments that fill her Medium feed.
By 6 am, we are snug in our bed next to the Supreme-Leader-Hating-Feminist and her brown-almost-Mexican-liberal husband. She has no idea, he has no idea that we have been busy all night promoting the white supremacist, anti-democracy agenda of our One-and-Only-and-Soon-To-Be-President-For-Life, Donald J. Trump.
We are here to turn this town red, to turn America red — red like Republican, red like Russia.
We are Dogs for Donald!
My sincerest apologies to my precious Polk County dogs, Syau and Sophie, who are too sweet, too kind, too democratic to be Trump supporters. And, to their former owners — in spite of living in Polk County, I have no idea how you voted — perhaps you were among the 117,182 Polk County votes for Clinton, perhaps not. And, lastly, I apologize to the LGBTQ Polk County woman who really did re-post the ad about the dogs with our LGBTQ neighbor who then told us. I know for a fact that she is not, and would never be, a Trump supporter.
I offer no apology to Polk County which is very red and in which I saw, during our trip to pick up Sophie and Syau, actual and unbelievably real yard shrines to Trump. As we were in a hurry to gather our new dogs and head north to liberal country, I swallowed the vomit that kept easing up my throat when I really, truly wanted to eject it over the photos of The Worst U.S. President Ever that profusely and disgustingly dotted the landscape of Polk County.