SNAPSHOTS Mini Challenge
Recently, I made the decision to leak some highly classified documents (didn’t know I was in the FBI did you?). These documents, known as the Barbie Files, give one unprecedented, front row access to the lives of those in the witness protection program. In this case, the head and shoulders set known as Barbie.
In the above picture, situated in the middle, between the happy bovine named Kitchen Cow, and Fuzzy Bear Who Wears A Bow-Tie-For-Reasons-Only-He-Can-Know, we have Hair Station Barbie. Compassionately snatched from a lifetime of manhandling by young girls with Princess obsessions and gay boys with an unquenchable need to perfect their French braiding techniques, she entered the witness protection program last December. Under threat from the household canines, we assessed the threat to her life as serious and increasing.
Appearing on our doorstep with trademark captain-of-the-cheer-leading-squad, blow dried to within an inch of its life bottle blond hair, blue contacts, magic marker eyebrows, and a neck the size of your middle finger, we feared a new identity was beyond hope. What else can you do with the girl whose peak year was the 12'th grade?
Well, it was a difficult go, but with the dedicated help of our friends at Emirates Airlines, we did it.
Sparing no expense, we were generously aided in no small part by the use of toilet paper, beige wrapping paper, swaths of cut up red T-shirt, the lid of a peanut butter jar, and the exceedingly twisted imagination of an only child, currently grown adult man boy with far, far too much time on his hands.
The outcome is something we never expected and are immensely proud of. We managed to do the impossible. That is, to take one huge icon of misogynist consumerism catering to essentialist gender narratives and unattainable beauty standards, and turn her into a different, yet strangely similar icon of misogynist consumerism catering to essentialist gender narratives and unattainable beauty standards. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:
Emirates Airlines Flight Attendant Barbie
For several months she served the obscenely rich Middle East Oil Executive community, working out of an undisclosed international hub passing out hot nuts and C-grade champagne on those glamorous 18 hour flights to Dubai and beyond.
While she enjoyed her new life and position, sadly, it wasn’t all roses and sunshine. Barbie found the steep learning curve difficult, due to a torso that ends at mid chest, and the complete absence of any functioning limbs. Oh well, no one said it would be easy. Though she was encouraged slightly through her possession of that one can’t do without asset. Long, luscious, fake yellow hair! Sad then, if not a little ironic, the airline insists she tie it back and cover it up.
But even bottle blond hair and a perma-smile could not save this poor girl from herself. After an unfortunate incident that included a Saudi prince, an entire bottle of Drambuie, a double headed dildo and the A380 evacuation chute, Emirates Airlines Flight Attendant Barbie was let go.
It took us several months and much investigative work to find her, and when we did we were shocked at her unraveling condition. Found in Porpoise Spit, Australia, a town made famous by the film Muriel’s Wedding, she was holed up in a one room flat with Chuck, a sex addicted character from said film. They had been on a wild alcohol and coke binge, and when discovered all the hopelessly sketchy ex flight attendant could muster was “God damn fucking airline, you can keep your cheap ass nuts. Where’s my hot rail?”
Tragic, I know. We as well thought she was a lost cause. But what is it they say? When life hands you a lemon, you make lemonade? With the help of a makeover, the Betty Ford clinic, and the eternal soul saving services offered by our friends at Liberty University, Barbie found Jesus Christ as her personal Lord and Savior, was accepted into the accelerated degree program, and now has a BA in Christian Fundamentalist Studies, with a minor in public shaming narratives.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m pleased to introduce:
Fox News Anchor Barbie
Complete with the requisite helmet hair and pearls, this beacon of non FAKE news, Barbie Faith Robertson (nickname Becky), has recently married the dashing, though some might say plastic, Arizona senator “Winnebago” Ken Doll Robertson, and are living happily in his traveling camper. Barbie doesn’t know it yet, but in a few weeks we will be leaking files on Ken, having to do with a public restroom and a teenage escort / meth dealer known as Kip. But that’s another story.
From her Fox News Bio
Fox News Anchor Barbie wants everyone to know that she loves puppies and babies, fears God, sings in her church choir, and thinks nothing is more American than packing an AK47. She believes marriage is meant for Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, hates activist judges, thinks feminism is scary, and is confident that both Jesus and Santa are white. She’d like to point out that she can’t fathom the conflict in her steadfast belief in the death penalty and her voracious support of the pro-life movement. A proud, as she calls it “American speaker”, she doesn’t know any other languages, but when Barbie hears people speak a foreign tongue it makes her uncomfortable, and therefore believes everyone should speak American. Her mentors include Charlton Heston, Christina Hoff Sommers, Jerry Falwell, and that annoyingly pedantic college student who looks like a 12 year old nerd, Fox regular Ben Shapiro.
That’s me thinking, “holy shit, what the hell have I created?”
Rules
- Using both images and text, tell us a fictional story. The theme is up to you, no restrictions, and it may be told in any genre.
- Make it as out there and crazy as you want.
- Please include a minimum of three images.
- Please no more than 1000 words.
- Please include a title under your first image.
- Please include the sub-title short story.
- Please include the tags photography and short story.
Participation
Sherry Kappel Crooked Little Flower Patricia Petersen David MontgomeryHana Leshner Jason Stelzner Erik Smith Jess Hicks Ayesha Talib WissanjiTatiana Reuter Ferreira Daan Spijer Terijo mark-john cliffordElizabeth Helmich Dennett Michael Ramsburg Mal AugustkhalilibrahimNuraine SadafGail Boenning Ellan Aldryc J. Finley DHBogucki Meg Pesky Pippi Carol Carpenter Mike Stevenson Tien Skye Erika Sauter Stephanie Jackson Rahul Misra Heath Houston J M Jackson miranda deely Sam GriffithsDusty Craignon sibi cunctis Tracy Aston Clay Rivers Randy Cooper Kathy JacobsWild Flower Kerry Kuhn Gutbloom Terrye Turpin Michelle Staffordangus bardvcarolinek Dylan Fogle Willow T. Lovelace Kris Keppeler Meg April FletcherGeorge Yorgo Hoebeke Jane Kim Kenny ChanPaul S Markle Janice Gill Kayla Roste Tamyka Bell Roy Schlegel Annie Littlewolf Tasneem Kagalwalla Gosia Rokicka Jeff Suwak Zev Akhter Louise Peacock Reverend Nigga Daddy Steve B Howard Alex Shar Elisabeth KhanKay Bolden James Finn Eric GriggsSaoirse Chloe Cuthbert Heath Houston J M Jackson miranda deely Sam Griffiths Dusty Craig non sibi cunctis Tracy Aston Clay RiversRandy CooperKathy Jacobs Wild Flower Kerry KuhnGutbloom Terrye TurpinMichelle Stafford angus bard vcarolinek Dylan FogleWillow T. Lovelace Kris KeppelerMeg April Fletcher George Yorgo Hoebeke Jane Kim Kenny ChanPaul S Markle Janice Gill Kayla Roste Tamyka Bell Roy Schlegel Annie LittlewolfTasneem Kagalwalla Gosia Rokicka Jeff Suwak Zev Akhter Louise PeacockReverend Nigga Daddy Steve B Howard Alex Shar Elisabeth Khan Kay BoldenJames Finn Eric Griggs Saoirse Chloe Cuthbert Saoirse Nancy E. PittsClay Rivers Lecia Michelle 📃Joan Evans Harvey James nan fischer Christopher Andrew Gibbons She the Calico Violet DeTorres Cottia
Allan Rae is a former flight paramedic, utilizing both his medical and creative writing backgrounds as a qualitative health researcher examining HIV stigma through community and personal narratives. He is the editorial director of C(G) and the photo publication SNAPSHOTS. Satire, Starbucks, and stray dogs do not displease him. He shares his home in Canada with his partner David and their dog Mr. Moles.
