The Personal Cost of Freedom

Art Gallery

This post is in response to alto’s SNAPSHOTS mini-challenge.

In June of 2015 I came out as transgender to my wife of 21 years. A year later we came out to my three teenage children. Everyone was shocked — apparently I was really good at pretending to be a guy — but all four of them have been amazingly empathetic and supportive.

My daughter painted the “True Colors” piece for my birthday last year. It is painted in the colors of the Transgender Pride flag. It remained hidden behind my nightstand until my coming out letter was published one month ago. Now it is atop my nightstand, leaning against the wall, waiting to be properly hung, but proudly on display nonetheless.

My other daughter, our middle child, painted this wrench as a 2016 Father’s Day gift. About a month later, we came out to the kids. This currently hangs over my nightstand. She is deeply grieving the loss of her father.

“True Colors” will hang over the same nightstand but on the adjacent wall in the corner.

For our November 2017 anniversary, my wife set up a wonderful date night and we did a private painting class while sharing a bottle of Reisling. We each painted a wooden pallet, and when held together it shows the lovebirds sitting on intertwined tree branches that you see above. This hangs on a wall in the kitchen, visible to anyone that enters the house through the attached garage.

My family is struggling with my transition since my public coming out last month. Coming out as transgender to the general public has kick-started the grieving process for the loss of their father (and for my wife, her husband). I am currently staying in a local Airbnb.

This is the first time in our 21 year marriage that we have ever been separated. I had started to believe we were going to be OK, but ultimately, my transition may come with a considerable price tag attached.