My “Truthmeter” on life changes from parenthood

Mitali Gurnani
Aug 25, 2017 · 4 min read

Before you have a baby, you might hear people tell you of all the changes about to come. “Forget about sleep, or vacations, or any semblance of a social life”, you may hear. We all have our own versions of the truth here.

15 months into parenthood, here’s my Truthmeter (how true, as a percentage, this was for me) on the top four life changes after having a baby.

1. Having a baby will slow-down your career

My Truthmeter: 20%

A lot of us spend time carefully planning when we want to have a baby. We’re one of the first generations to be concurrently career planning and family planning. Whether you have your first baby by intent or accident, pregnancy can raise all sorts of fears about upward mobility and career growth for many of us. But it definitely doesn’t mean your career has to slow down. But it does mean you have to prioritize things that are most important to you.

For me, my career is a high focus area. While it did not happen immediately, one year after having my first born, I started to feel like my old self professionally (read my return to work from maternity leave here). I have realized how much more efficient I can be. I find myself ruthlessly prioritizing (could I still go to that networking event, but leave in 45 minutes?). And finally, I find myself to be a lot more effective at work, for parenting has taught me you a whole new set of people skills (more to come on that next week).

But you need to set the right expectations for yourself. In the near term, things might look like they’re slowing down — could you have received that promotion six months ago? Sure! But does it matter in the long career game? Definitely not!

Define your version of having it all, and go for it!

2. Get all the travel you can in NOW! Europe is for when the kids go off to college

My truth-meter: 40%

Travel is another high priority area for us. Within the first 13 months, we managed to take five trips with Norah (a couple vacations, some trips to visit family). A lot of moments on these “vacations” did feel like a “trip”. Two key highlights –

The low point: We visited London around the time Norah turned one. Day one — after a long plane ride, we arrive at our hotel at 1 PM. Our room isn’t ready, so we check in our luggage and decide to hang out and get lunch. So off we go to a local restaurant, excited to try some fish and chips! Seconds after our one year old puts a chip in her mouth, I can see it coming — her nostrils flare. I see that familiar cough. Her cheeks turn red. I make a dash for the high chair, trying to grab some napkins on my way, but it’s too late. I am covered in baby vomit. In the middle of the restaurant. With no change of clothes for myself. And of course, we get the “you’re THAT table” look from a few ladies lunching over at the next table. And we’re only getting started…

Good news — it gets a lot better!

High point: Ref: London trip above. For me, I longed the excitement of being in a new place, trying the local cuisine, and returning to our hotel room at night, physically exhausted, but mentally energized. And doing all of this with a one year old gave me a huge sense of accomplishment. I will always remember the walk between London and Tower Bridge on a misty London afternoon, the air filled with the smell of candied chestnuts. And being able to share this with my baby. I remembered what I loved about traveling.

It is, however, a lot of work. It involves a lot of planning, patience and setting the right expectations (I think we missed the mark on all three in some capacity). There were definitely more than a few WTF moments. But in the end, I think it was worth it!

3. Sleep after having a baby is a luxury

My Truthmeter: 100%

Truer words haven’t been spoken. I miss my sleep most! I am not someone who can function on 3 hours of sleep. For the first few months, I was horrified at the impact it had on me. Despite having a bunch of help from family early on, I felt helpless and weak.

While our bodies adjust to some level of functioning with less sleep, this was the single most challenging change for me — one that I’m still trying to cope with (Norah still doesn’t sleep well through the night).

4. Your love becomes a never ending source of strength

My Truthmeter: 1000%

This probably sounds cliché, but I didn’t know I had this capacity to love this unconditionally. To feel my child’s pain to be worse than mine, to feel pangs of missing my baby randomly in the middle of meeting at work, to find joy in every moment with her, was surprising to me at first.

Parenthood has made me appreciate my parents a lot more. It brought me closer to my mom, made me value what my mother in law has done for her children. My love for the father of my child has grown manifold! It has been magical. Sleepless, but magical.

What is your parenthood truthmeter? What turned out as expected and what surprised you most? I’d love to hear from you!

Snot On My Business Casuals

Chronicles of a working momma

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