Please Stop Telling Me That Turmeric, or Love, or (Fill in the Blank) Will Cure My Cancer… because I used to believe it would too.
Since my diagnosis, I’ve had people come to me in ways that may have intended to be from love, or well-meaning, but felt accusatory and judgmental, and came across to me in a rather “holier than thou” attitude, telling me many things. Some examples of such things include that chemo wouldn’t cure my cancer, but cutting out all sugars, or taking turmeric, or love, or (fill in the blank) would. That if I wanted a “REAL” way to heal, to let them know. That chemo will kill me, not save me. That the cancer business has created false positives, thereby implying to me that I don’t really have cancer. These things have all upset me and triggered me, but seeing a post on Facebook from a friend discussing that donating to cancer research was a waste of time really put me over the edge almost a week ago, and I’ve been trying to figure out just why this has all made me so angry.
(DISCLAIMER: There have also been many who have reached out, kindly offering research and info on alternative/complementary means to cancer treatment in a way that is energetically very different than what I am talking about above. I appreciate those recommendations, the way in which I was approached with them, and the care in wanting to share them with me and open up a discussion about it)
But, back to it… At first, I felt like I had to defend myself to these people: I’m a holistic healer! I have a background and belief in this stuff! Don’t you think I’ve done my research on all of this! Don’t you think I’ve meditated and thought this through! AND I’m doing all sorts of holistic means to complement the chemo, all the while doing the spiritual work I need to heal the spiritual aspect of this!
Yet recently, I’ve gone from feeling the need to defend myself (which is ridiculous, I know) to ANGER. Like real anger. And I’ve been trying to figure out why. A few obvious reasons are as follows:
-The majority of these people have never had cancer or had a loved one go through cancer, so how dare they!? The actually have no idea what it’s like to be in my shoes or the shoes of anyone going through it.
-I felt as though they were invalidating my experience, by implying it isn’t real.
-Maybe I really just don’t like being told what to do?
-My ego was triggered, feeling that they think I’m ignorant. I guess cancer hasn’t taken away my worry about what others think of me. Sigh.
Then it finally hit me. The main reason it makes me so angry is because I used to think like them. I used to believe that cancer could be cured or prevented solely by taking turmeric, or cutting out sugar, or love, or (fill in the blank). I didn’t care that I probably had the BRCA gene mutation, because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that through the supplements I was taking, the way I ate, exercised, yoga-ed, didn’t suppress my emotions, etc., I wouldn’t get cancer. And I researched and believed pharmaceutical companies and the medical industry were keeping the true natural cancer cures from us, just wanting to keep us sick and themselves rich.
So, wow, it’s not that I’m actually angry at these people; I’m angry because I used to DO and believe what they’re preaching to me, knowing with every ounce of my being (rather smugly I now see) that doing so would keep me from being a victim of the BRCA gene mutation. But it didn’t. So yeah I’m f*cking angry… I did everything they said, I did everything “right,” and still got cancer!
This, needless to say, rocked my world. Because my strong knowing had been proven wrong. And so when it came time to accept whether or not I was going to do chemo, I took into account that maybe, just maybe, I needed to be open to doing something other than the holistic and natural means which I so believed would keep me from getting the cancer, but didn’t, and that maybe, just maybe, the medical industry wasn’t all wrong or bad. I meditated on it, did research on it, waited until I found the doctor I felt good about, listened to my intuition, and in the end, knew that chemo is actually what I need to save my life right now (complemented by holistic means, of course).
Look, do I still believe cancer can be cured solely naturally, holistically, spiritually, energetically, without also the use of Western medicine? In some cases, absolutely. The book Radical Remission is a great and inspiring read on that subject. But, additionally, do I now believe that cancer can be cured by the drugs and surgeries I used to look down upon as simply a business, and a corrupt one, at that? Absolutely. And I now believe that while there of course is a business aspect to it, there are more doctors and medical researchers than not who are actually good, and who genuinely want to heal people and save lives. My oncologist, for one, is a living, breathing example of this.
Cancer keeps teaching me things. This newest lesson is that we really don’t know anything. We get so self-righteous thinking we KNOW. And man, do we own that knowing. Some are even willing to lose friends, relationships, and family over it. I KNEW. I knew cancer, and the drugs used to treat it, were all ploys of the pharmaceutical companies and medical industry to keep people sick (or kill them) and make lots of money. I knew I wouldn’t get cancer because I followed the natural, nutritional, lifestyle, holistic protocol that been “proven” to prevent cancer. But now I know differently.
We also think we know what other people need. I’m sure the “preaching” to me has been well-meaning and with good intentions, but the preachers can’t possibly know what my body or soul needs, because they are not having my experience, or the experience of anyone else going through it. Before cancer, I’m very guilty of doing this too. I thought I knew what was best for certain people, and was rather staunch in it… and I apologize for that. Because each person and their soul has their own journey and lessons to learn from it, and no one else can possibly know what they are. Support? Yes. Suggestions? Yes. Info-sharing in a non-judgmental, loving way? Yes; it’s truly all about the intention and approach in sharing this info and starting a conversation. But absolute knowing? No.
My whole “knowing” has been turned on its side. From now on, when I think I KNOW something in my life, I’m really going to try to be open to the fact that maybe one day — whether it’s tomorrow, next year, or ten years — I may actually know differently. Because from each experience, we know new things.
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