I suck at arguing
I try really hard to avoid being duped by false or exaggerated claims. I think I have a firm grasp on how to go about it, but it’s an arduous and time consuming process. Most often though, I rely on sources of information I believe I can trust, based on my assessment of their critical thinking credentials. I approach sources of informations I haven’t vetted in this way with rather harsh skepticism.
This process of vetting sources is still time-consuming, but not nearly as much as vetting the information itself. I still consume the information from sources I trust with a degree of skepticism, keeping in mind potential pitfalls as I consume it. But I’m merely human. I can’t possibly catch all the pitfalls, and neither can my sources. One of the best indicators of a trustworthy source is when they take great care to self-correct when they have been wrong. Emotional stakes sometimes make us blind to truths we don’t like or overly receptive to falsehoods that vindicate our views. Sources I trust recognize that getting to the truth is a process, one that often conflicts with the urgency of wanting answers.
Still, I’m paranoid. I’ve seen too many really smart people embroider themselves in questionable beliefs. I am painfully aware that the mere act of filtering the sources of information I consume can cloister me in a bubble, and I’m not really sure how to keep that in check.
Even worse than limiting my information intake to specific sources: I am guilty of unfollowing people who have infuriated me on Facebook because of ridiculous beliefs. There’s no point in blaming Facebook for this. I did this of my own volition.
I am a coward when it comes to confrontation. I’m not confident in arguing with people holding positions they have an emotional stake in. Even worse, I’m easily outraged. It can deprive me of the clarity I need to argue my positions well. The type of person I lose my confidence arguing with is someone like myself.
I’ve had a lot of arguments with people I’ve disagreed with. I’ve even managed some of these pretty well, with both parties leaving the exchange with more refined positions than before. The problem is that every time it doesn’t go well, I end up with such a bad case of “l’esprit de l’escalier” that it ruins my peace of mind and productivity for hours, even days after the fact. I hate it when emotions are the reason an exchange is not productive, especially when it’s my own.
So yeah, I tend to shut people out of my Facebook feed. I think it’s way worse than shutting news sources out. I’m mostly trying to protect my psyche from over-obsessing over how I can argue with someone I think is wrong. It’s the civil thing to do (according to memes, so take that for what it’s worth). I’m not wasting anyone’s time, including my own. But I am segregating my mind from challenge, and I am not challenging other people's world view either.
All of this has been worse than ever in the last 6 months with the unrelenting disaster that’s been Trump’s apotheosis to Cheetos-flavored, Twitter-bound Whoopie Cushion with Nuclear Codes in Chief of the United States of America. It won’t get better any time soon. I have profound disagreements with people I call family and friends over a few timely topics, and I can’t find the courage to enter a much-needed discussion with them.
Do I trust myself to listen to and contemplate a position that challenges my worldview? What if that position doesn’t even adhere to basic, established facts? What if I come to you and tell you that Christmas decorations are now full of little microphones and cameras that spy on you? Are you going to keep your cool? What if I say that someone you admire and have been following for years is in fact perpetrating false claims because it makes them rich? Are you going to keep your cool?
Everyone creates their own bubbles. Some bubbles are more pernicious than others. To pop someone else’s bubble requires patience, empathy, and the humility and courage to leave the protection of your own bubble. The tough part for me is I feel like an exchange won’t go well unless both parties show the same humility. Is it even possible to foster receptivity in someone you disagree with? If it is, it’s a very rare skill that’s never been more vital. If I ever learn how to develop such a skill, I’ll be sure to write about it.
Here’s a video I shot during the Perseids this year around lake Tahoe.
