Fighting Your Own Battles at Work
Something has been bothering me lately about types of work stories that I read on here from some of the Millennial set. I recognize my younger self in much of what I read and I so desperately want to reach out to them and steer them away from making some of the same mistakes that I did. Even though I am fully aware that most life lessons need to be learned the hard way, I often fight the urge to drop off a penny or two of my own. This story is an attempt to get that compulsion out of my system.
When I got my first job out of college, I will admit to monumental levels of ignorance and naivete. I had led a very sheltered life and had very few coping skills for how to be my own advocate and moderate my own passivity. The family dynamic I came from encouraged me to be submissive to get along in the world. It took many years, many close calls, and many bad decisions for me to realize that not all people can and should be trusted because they don’t have your best interests at heart. Their lives center around their own interests and I am embarrassed to admit how often I assumed that I could shame them into caring or being better. Newsflash — you can’t make people care about things that don’t move them emotionally and that don’t affect them personally.
In our very understandable and noble attempt to make the world a safer place for children, we coddled and protected them so much that we never allowed them to understand, experiment with, or feel their own power. What’s worse is that some coming up now appear to not even have the coping or comprehension skills to be able to recognize petty behavior and treat it accordingly. The problem of always having someone in authority fix your problems for you is that you never learn the skills needed to take on challengers for yourself. This is a big mistake and absolutely limits anyone’s potential for success later in life.
I remember learning the hard way in my 20s that although I wasn’t completely on my own in the adult working world, a large portion of making myself secure in my position involved me having to do things for myself. I was lucky in that I sought out and found mentors early in my career who helped me realize that my passive nature was not appropriate in the business world and would not serve me well. The good news is that today, there are more good professional examples to follow than ever and more resources to take advantage of if you know where to look. A wealth of helpful advice can be found online, in social organizations, from peers, and in the biographies of successful people.
When I was coming up in the world, I was taught that when I had an issue with a coworker, the first pass at resolving the issue was my responsibility. Of course, I sought advice from others in the best way to approach my issues, but it was up to me to follow through and have the uncomfortable conversations myself. I was taught very early on that personal issues between coworkers were only the business of management, Human Resources, or others ONLY if they interfered with the operation of the business. The assumption is made that as an adult you will be able to conduct yourself with a certain amount of professional autonomy. If you can’t, your career track would be severely limited and it would affect your earning power in pretty significant ways.
When I first got out of school, I sought help and remedies from others often. As I matured, I started to feel comfortable handling issues on my own and being able to stand firm and consistent in my words and my behavior. I may not have felt as confident as I acted initially, but I was able to fake it until I could make it. That change in my demeanor I believe, lead to my first position as a low-level manager for a small team. It was a baby step in hindsight but not an insignificant boost to my career.
What worries me now though is that we have failed to impart in young professionals that if they do see or have issues, they should feel empowered and emboldened to do something about it themselves. If you don’t like how something is done, complaining about it and hoping that someone else comes along to fix it should not be your only course of action. You should be allowed question things and to offer solutions. It is very important to understand though, that if you are the only one complaining about an issue, more often than not, that issue will not be a high priority for anyone but you. That means that you will likely need to find a way to cope with the problem yourself. These are painful lessons that we learn about what we are made of but we are better and stronger for them on the other side. Working on your own solution even if you don’t succeed, can boost confidence and provide some important coping mechanisms that will serve you later.
As an adult, you have choices to make about where you invest your time and energy. You are not longer a helpless child in school unable to correct or affect your situation. More is expected of you as an adult because you are capable of more. Don’t wait for someone else to fix your issues for you. Your issues may not be important to them and in that case, the problem is uniquely yours to fix or figure out how to work through. We all need to be at least partially responsible for corralling and managing our own foibles and demons. Full disclosure, the more sensitive you are, the harder this may be for you. However, it will always be up to you to decide what actions you will need to take to improve your situation. Sometimes walking away will be the best option for you. It’s not an option to take lightly, but it is there if you need it.
As we start our careers, we need to decide what’s important to us and how much risk we are willing to tolerate in the pursuit of a big reward. If you favor stability, consistency, and safety - a larger, more established company is probably a better choice for you. Your job may be more mundane and allow for less growth, but there will also be fewer unpleasant surprises. If however, you are in it for the thrill and the chance to get in on the ground floor of an up-and-coming game changer - you have to be willing to tolerate a very bumpy ride. You will get the chance to wear many hats and every day may bring a new challenge and chance for big success, but you also may show up one day to find a padlock on the front door of the building.
As evolved and enlightened as we have become, there are still some things that haven’t changed. Those with courage and stamina do better in life and in the professional world. Those who feel confident enough and empowered enough to fight their own battles will always have the advantage. This does not mean however that the people who have always had it easy will be the ones who succeed most often. In fact, those who have not had it easy tend to be the ones who better understand how the world works, how to make it work for them, and what they are actually capable of. The playing field can be made as level as possible for everyone but it is no substitute for confidence, drive, or ambition.
So here is my final question for you — what’s holding you back today and what do you plan to do about it?
