The Freedom of Getting Clean & Sober
Guest post by Dee Rambeau
Commitment:
the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.
a pledge or undertaking;
an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action. (1)
All good definitions. But what if commitment actually creates freedom rather than restricting it? Shouldn’t that also be a definition of commitment? We cannot afford to be lazy or complacent about our freedoms or we will lose them.
Let’s take committing to a life of sobriety. The act of getting clean and sober does create some restriction of activity. To stay that way, you must not ingest mind-altering substances.
But the real byproduct of a sober life is freedom. The battle with addiction is dangerous and costly to humans — not just to addicts but to society in general. The cost and the losses are staggering. The impact on families, tragic.
Addiction and substance abuse is a particularly pernicious and insidious form of tyranny — of slavery. It is similar to life in a tyrannical country in that there is no actual choice. The choices are made for you.
It is different in that no one goes around raving about tyranny. With alcohol and drugs, that’s exactly what happens. Sports, lifestyle, travel, and leisure activities revolve around imbibing and indulging. We don’t laugh about human suffering under a cruel dictator. But people often chuckle at the sight of fucked-up friends — or at a stranger’s drunken folly. When it happens in your own life, trust me when I say you won’t be amused.
From commitment-phobe to commitment first
In my younger years, lovers and friends often labeled me a commitment-phobe. But I couldn’t have started and run a successful company; captained a national championship team; or enjoyed the life-long, lasting friendships and relationships that I have without some level of commitment. And yet…
I also had a toxic relationship with alcohol and drugs. Because of it, my relationships with others and my endeavors suffered. I was in a three-way: my attention and my commitment were split. When push came to shove, booze always won out. I sometimes showed up for others; I always showed up for the bottle.
No such luxury exists in sobriety. You must act like your life depends on it — because it does. If I rank my commitment priorities today, it looks like this:
- Sobriety
- Faith (higher power)
- Ann (my wife)
- Health and wellness
- Family (including my four-legged ones)
- My close circle of friends
- My endeavors
I understand if your list differs. But, for me, nothing ranks higher than sobriety. Even God knows this. Without 1 and 2, nothing else on the list is possible. I could not be the husband, brother, son, friend, or colleague that I aspire to be without the foundational commitment to sobriety.
Why does sobriety rank higher than God? God (a higher power in the Universe) exists without me being sober. We just don’t have much of a relationship. But with sobriety, I have a loving and present understanding of, and relationship with, my higher power and the Universe.
As for my wife, family, and friends? Well, I can love because of sobriety. Love is not a feeling. It’s a verb that involves commitment and action. But sobriety comes first. Because of sobriety, I can commit to love. In this commitment, there is freedom.
Commitment to getting and staying sober
In recovery, the willingness to get sober comes first. You have to want to. Regardless of the pressures and ultimatums and fuckups and interventions, no one gets sober for their family or their children or their job. We get sober because we’re done. We are sick and tired and finally become willing.
Hopefully, that willingness to commit comes before you run out of chances. Many people don’t get another chance. Boom. They’re gone.
To stay sober requires a level of commitment to keep yourself out of prison, the hospital or psych ward, or the cemetery. Many millions of people have been willing, but then lacked the commitment. We all know of someone — maybe in your own family. I know firsthand. It took me several tries and failures over many years before it finally stuck. Before I accepted the gift. Before I finally said: Oh…that’s what it takes.
How do I approach this commitment? I act like my life depends on it — because it does. Then, out of that commitment, freedom is born. Choices. Life. Liberty. The pursuit of happiness may be a right — but this kind of freedom is earned.
So, I choose, I commit, and I find freedom within that commitment. This is what it takes. My life depends on it. One day at a time: Live free or die.
Your turn!
We’d love for you to share in the comments:
- What freedoms does sobriety offer you?
- How does your commitment to sobriety impact other priorities in your life?
And if you found this article helpful, please leave a clap or 50. It lets others know there’s something useful here and will help us grow this community.
Dee Rambeau is a seasoned entrepreneur and business generalist with 20 years in sports television and 20 years in media software development. A passionate volunteer and donor supporting dog rescue, he also works to heal the horrible disease of addiction as a member of the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation National Philanthropy Board. His sober and mindful pursuits include recovery, community radio, travel, motorcycles, and golf. You can find his newsletter at: Of a Sober Mind.
Want to be published on Sober.com? If you’re a sober writer, we invite you to contribute! Reach out to hello@danaleighlyons.com for details.
Notes
- Oxford Language Dictionary for Adults.
