Kick Me in the Nuts, Please
A Look at the Erotic Art of Ball-Busting
For most men, getting kicked in the testicles is one of the worst things that can happen to them. For a growing number of men, however, the erotic art of ball-busting is a sought-out sexual activity. Goddess Aviva Diamond, a New York-based Dominatrix, defines ball-busting as “a form of impact play in which force is directed onto a male’s testicles. This can include kicking, kneeing, slapping, hitting, punching, and using implements like a riding crop.”
The question remains, why do men like this? Does it hurt? Is it safe? Can busting a man’s testicles cause irreparable damage to his cherished man parts? As always, my ground-zero place to start my research is Twitter. Twitter abounds with images and videos of women quite ruthlessly kicking men in the jewels. Women with names preceded by titles such as Mistrix, Humiliatrix and Domina all attest to their delight in destroying a man’s reproductive goods. Goddess Hayley proclaims in a tweet: “Popping your balls, stealing away your manhood forever, that would make my little pussy cum so hard.” Queen Xamara announces: “Your balls are perfect to kick and stomp.” Goddess Lacey tweets: “Who wants to get kicked in the nuts? Dm [with] tribute.” Tribute is sex-worker speak for “payment.” In other words, men pay to be kicked in the testicles, and not just a little amount of money either. The going rate for a dominatrix is $300 an hour. That’s saying a lot about how much enjoyment a man can derive from this activity. Bastienne Cross, a dominatrix in Toronto, told me that “these men can do anything with their disposable income, but this is what they choose.”
“They wouldn’t be called balls if they weren’t meant to be kicked.”
The question still remains as to why a man could possibly want this and even more, pay for it? It’s not just a few men either. In my investigation on Twitter, for as many women advertising their ball-busting talents there are men advertising their desire to be ball-busted. In short, ball-busting is hardly some bizarre fetish that lives in the farthest recesses of the Internet. Instead it’s an activity desired by a growing number of men.
James, 23, of Los Angeles, California, is one of these men. On his Twitter profile, he writes: “I love ball-busting! They wouldn’t be called balls if they weren’t meant to be kicked.” Carl, 35, from San Francisco, California, tweets: “Looking for ball-busting instructions. Who wants me to ache all weekend for you?” Another man whose Twitter avatar is “Ballbusting Brian” sends me a message that he’s seeing a woman later that day to have his balls kicked. Afterward he follows up: “Nothing like sitting on your couch with a bag of frozen peas on your nuts. I had a great session today.”
I contacted some of these men and most of them were more than happy to speak to me. The consensus was they not only had an interest in ball-busting, but were also curious to learn why other men had it, too. Through my interviews I discovered that the attraction of ball-busting has less to do with the physical sensation of pain than with the psychological thrill of having a woman inflict it. Not a single one of the men I interviewed were interested in having their balls busted by a man.
“The turn-on is being physically vulnerable but also sexually controlled by a woman,” said Jim, 42, of Scotland.
Wally, 40, of Cleveland, Ohio, had a similar answer. “I’m a big, tall guy, and a girl who is five-two can completely level me and have me in agony at her feet.”
Ben, 29, of New York, agreed. “The excitement is in the taboo of having a smaller woman control me: that the woman caused that pain, and I let her.”
James of Los Angeles attested: “I like the idea where the girl kicks me in the nuts, I go down, and she says, ‘Man up.’ ”
Most of the men I interviewed spoke about a “power transfer” as the main hook of ball-busting. Marty, 49, of Atlanta, Georgia, said, “I love getting kicked in the very spot that makes me a man. I’m supposed to be a man, but there I am on the ground, writhing in pain because of a woman.”
Harrison, 46, of the UK, concurred. “It’s a domination thing. I like seeing the woman enjoying it, almost in disbelief that she’s got the opportunity.”
For Wally, it’s the challenge of taking more pain in order to put a smile on his mistress’s face that he enjoys. He also cited uncertainty as a pull. “Will the kicking be light or will I end up on the ground, begging for mercy?”
For Ben, he doesn’t even need to be ball-busted to enjoy it. “It’s as fun for me to talk about it as it is to do it.”
“It’s part of our foreplay, her squeezing my testicles, slapping them, applying pressure to them with her knee.”
Is it sexual?
Harrison was the only man I interviewed for whom ball-busting wasn’t directly sexual. “The feeling of a foot swinging up towards me — the anticipation gives me a rush. But I very rarely get hard when it happens.” Still, his Twitter feed is peppered with requests for testicular abuse.
All the other men I interviewed, though, said ball-busting gave them sexual pleasure. “But only once I’m aroused,” Marty said, “I have to start off light. Once I become erect I can take more. If you give me full-force kicks to begin, it’s over. If it’s playful, then I get aroused, and then it can be more forceful.”
He sent me a photo to illustrate his favorite position for ball-busting, one in which he stands naked behind a woman who is also nude, so that “I am close enough I can smell her hair, touch her breasts.” Then she swings her heel back into his testicles. “One move, and I’m on the floor, defeated by a female.”
For all the men I interviewed, the visual part was one of the most important aspects that sexualized ball-busting. “I get aroused by the look of a woman kicking or stepping on my balls,” said Javier, 25, of Bellflower, California.
Jim of Scotland said, “I fantasize about being ball-busted all the time. I rarely fantasize about sex.”
Some of the men I interviewed agreed with Jim, stating that their interest in ball-busting is inextricably linked to their sexuality. “As I got older,” Marc, 42, from Switzerland, told me, “I’ve been more careful to introduce the topic in an early conversation about sexual preferences for both of us. One girl I really liked locked herself in the bathroom and cried after I told her. Another girl punched me in the groin really hard. For the most part, girlfriends have been either mildly amused or worried about hurting me. It’s an extremely difficult thing to talk about with someone you care for because you know you might lose them but you also can’t keep the secret.”
Luckily, Marc’s current partner is an enthusiastic ball-buster. “We’re very playful, so we incorporate ball-busting as a fun thing. For example, I’ll say something jokingly sexist to her, and she’ll respond by smacking me in the nuts. In bed it’s more about squeezing my testicles and rough play as we ‘fight’ for dominance.”
Because ball-busting is part and parcel of his sexuality, Ben also shared that he has “the conversation early in any dating scenario. This is best because if it’s going to be an issue I want to get it out of way.”
Today Ben is married, and ball-busting is part of his sexual routine with his wife. “It’s incorporated, part of the usual flow in bed. It’s part of our foreplay, her squeezing my testicles, slapping them, applying pressure to them with her knee. That way I get the sense of being dominated.”
Even though Ben’s wife ball-busts him in bed, “she doesn’t have a dominant sexual personality,” he explained. “She does this to fulfill me. It’s not through a desire on her part.”
This has left Ben feeling sexually unfulfilled in his marriage though. “It’s tough for men in committed relationships,” he told me. “Relationships are built on compassion and respect. And now it’s like, please, physically hurt me.”
Because he senses his wife only goes through the motions of ball-busting him to make him happy, he has searched for sexual satisfaction outside of his marriage. “I’ve made appointments with dominatrixes and have paid for it,” he admitted. He also said he’s met “random women on Twitter and in real life, at bars.” When he’s asked women in bars to ball-bust him, “there is a degree of shock. Women think you’re kidding or that you’re crazy. I’ve done it so many times I don’t get my feelings hurt anymore when they say no. Some women are willing to try it for the new experience though.”
He has created fake dating profiles where he told me he’s “straight forward that I have a ball-busting fetish.” On Tinder, he advertises that he’s “here to get kneed in the nuts.” He said, “Women think you’re kidding but at least it’s an avenue to have conversation. Sometimes I meet them. Usually it’s just ball-busting and it doesn’t consummate into sex.”
“Relationships are built on compassion and respect. And now it’s like, please, physically hurt me.”
Is it hard to find a woman to ball-bust you?
Almost all the men I interviewed agreed with Ben that it isn’t easy to find women who will ball-bust you for free. According to Tom, 50, of Miami, Florida: “I have been online since about 2000 and have only met a handful of ladies willing to play.”
“I did find a girl on a fetish website,” James told me. “But we only met up for a ball-busting session after six years of chatting and talking on Skype.”
Harrison’s solution has been to create elaborate ploys to get women to ball-bust him. “I’ve contacted old school girlfriends, saying I want them to ball-bust me for as a Jackass-style compilation video.”
Daniel, 29, of Los Angeles, California, has solved this issue by offering his services as a ball-busting slave for women who produce ball-busting videos. “Mistresses know I can take a lot of pain to my testicles so they recommend me to other mistresses. I’m in demand.”
“Once that pain sets in there isn’t much else on the mind other than the pain I’m in. I’m more in love with the idea of it than doing it.”
Doesn’t it hurt?
Which leads me to my next question: ball-busting must be painful for men. As such, why do so many still seek it out? My assumption was that the men I interviewed would tell me they were masochists, however I didn’t find this to be the case. Most of the men I spoke to said the pain was definitely not enjoyable and that they only endured it as a means to gain access to the other things they sought from ball-busting.
“It hurts a lot,” Marty told me. “A solid, accurate kick can completely debilitate me; not much else I have been through can do that. Once that pain sets in there isn’t much else on my mind other than the pain I’m in. I’m more in love with the idea of ball-busting than doing it. Before getting kicked I love the idea. When in pain, I hate it. Then as soon as the pain fades I want more. It is really weird to say the least.”
Daniel was the only man I interviewed who said he simply had a higher tolerance for pain. “When it comes to getting kicked in the balls, I don’t feel it to the point where it hurts too much.” He did add, “I don’t like pain on other any parts of my body than my testicles. I don’t like whipping on my back. I don’t like spanking on my butt. I can only take more pain on my balls.”
“The first girl I had a crush on, she was known for kicking guys in the balls. I made an association in my head: I think she’s pretty; she kicks guys in the nuts.”
Where does the urge originate?
It’s the age-old question: did something happen in these men’s childhoods to make them want ball-busting as adults? Most of the men I interviewed agreed there was something from their boyhoods or at least from their early adult years that triggered their current interest in ball-busting.
According to Harrison: “At school as a kid, I used to put myself in the position where I might get kicked in the testicles by a girl. I didn’t know this was a thing people were actually into at the time. As I grew a little older, I started to realize it might be something. Then I found ball-busting was actually a thing through porn.”
James said his desire for ball-busting originated from an experience in the first grade. “The first girl I had a crush on, she was known for kicking guys in the balls. I made an association in my head: I think she’s pretty; she kicks guys in the nuts.”
Wally grew up in a neighborhood where all the kids his age were girls. “They all had little brothers who they would kick in the balls. The girls would laugh and make jokes as their brothers walked home sobbing, holding their bruised manhood. I was never a target though. That developed a natural curiosity in me. I wanted to know what it felt like.”
Ben’s fixation with ball-busting began at age five. “I was watching a movie, and there was a scene where a guy pinned a women against the wall, and she kneed him in the nuts. Even at age five, I was irrationally excited about it. I didn’t realize it was sexual at the time but I now realize that was the catalyst.”
Daniel discovered his interest in ball-busting through sexual experimentation as a teen. “I was seventeen and had a girlfriend who liked to inflict pain. The first time it happened was during sex. In the doggy-style position, she reached behind with her hand and grabbed me by the balls. She groped and squeezed me there. It didn’t hurt. I wondered if it was supposed to hurt? You get taught it will hurt, but this wasn’t my case.”
For Marty: “It started when I was twenty. I got a job as a security officer at an all-girls college. One of my duties was to teach the women a self-defense class. I had to teach twenty girls in each class, eighteen to twenty years old. I was in the big suit. I was protected.” That summer Marty got kicked in the balls a lot. “That was when the idea began to turn me on.”
“The toe of her boot hit beyond my testicles to the perineum. I was pissing blood for a week.”
What about safety?
I watch video after video of women ruthlessly kicking men in the testicles, straddling them and repeatedly punching their balls, tying up their scrotum and then stepping on it, holding the testicles in place and then slapping them with their open palms. One dominatrix named Jasmine Mendez posted a video where she dons a pair of boxing gloves and uses a man’s testicles as a punching bag. I couldn’t help but ask if ball-busting is safe or can it cause irreversible damage to a man?
What disturbed me even more were tweets like the one I read from a dominatrix calling herself Hollyhotxx.
An instadomme is Twitter-speak for a new dominatrix with no real experience.
A man who runs the Twitter account “Painful Ballbusting” also appears to have received too much of just that.
I asked the men I interviewed if a ball-busting scene has ever gone awry in their cases. Daniel said yes. “I’ve been kicked by the sharp toe of a boot. I was kicked so hard that I started bleeding through the puncture.”
This happened when he used to train new mistresses. “Many new mistresses don’t know how to do a proper kick.” Daniel explained that an improper kick is where the mistress uses her toes or the toes of her shoes. “The time it happened to me, the toe of her boot hit beyond my testicles to the perineum. That’s where the penis nerves and prostate nerves connect. I was pissing blood for a week.”
Daniel said ball-busting is safe as long as a woman kicks the testicles the proper way. “Using the upper top part of the foot, between the ankle and the toes — that’s the best way to kick.” Though many mistresses kick with their bare feet, Daniel advised: “The mistress can damage her toes, too. So use the top of the foot.”
When I spoke to Goddess Aviva Diamond, she underlined the importance of communication to keep ball-busting safe. “You need to discuss what a man’s limits are. If you start playing, and he has physical signs to stop — usually if he goes into fetal position — you should give it a break.” She also said not twist the scrotum, “which can cause internal damage.”
“Ball-busting is inherently scary. It doesn’t matter if there are googly eyes on your balls; you’re still going to be terrified.”
Best ball-busting techniques
Of all the videos I reviewed on Twitter, Bastienne Cross had some of the most unique ball-busting styles. In one video, she put little, plastic eyes on a pair of testicles then drew a frown on the scrotum with a red Sharpie before she hit it with a leather paddle. In another she crushed a man’s testicles with her foot while wearing a pair of rainbow unicorn slippers. In another she placed a miniature cowboy hat on the head of a penis before she tied the balls with yellow rope and fastened the testes with spring clamps straight out of a wood workshop. Obviously, I was thrilled when she agreed to speak to me.
“When you’re doing more extreme stuff it goes well with a lighthearted attitude,” she said of her style. “The purpose of balls is to have fun. I don’t need to act in an intimidating way. The act of ball-busting is intimidating in itself.”
According to Bastienne Cross the fun stops with her. “I want the man to be scared. Even if I’m not constantly hurting a man, he knows I have that capacity. Ball-busting is inherently scary. It doesn’t matter if there are googly eyes on your balls; you’re still going to be terrified.”
Bastienne Cross said she likes ball-busting for the same reason that the men I interviewed do. The appeal is not as much the physical sensation of her foot making contact with the testicles. “It’s the eye contact I’m making. It’s insanely intimate. It’s the exchange that I’m having with this person in pain and who’s experiencing fear. I’m the person doing the inflicting, and I’m the person who can show mercy. This exchange is the attraction of ball-busting. The balls are just a tool to get to that.”
For Goddess Aviva Diamond, the power exchange is also the pull: “I like the power of knowing that I can weaken a man with a few blows to his balls.”
However, Goddess Aviva Diamond only engages in ball-busting when she feels a man’s “getting something out of it. I like someone to let me inflict pain because they want to please me. Even if they don’t actually like pain, they can still enjoy giving over their bodies to me.”
According to Goddess Aviva Diamond: “When I do find that good connection, being allowed to explore my sadistic side is cathartic. It gives me a space to let out energy, and that feels like a release. I’ve had a space where I can be aggressive, let loose on someone, and afterward I feel relaxed.”
However, the practice of ball-busting goes even deeper for Goddess Aviva Diamond. “Every time a man pays me to kick him in the balls I believe it’s balancing the universe. It’s reparations for all of the shit that men have done to women. It’s like a man saying, ‘I am giving you my cock and balls that men have hurt women with.’ This is important for men to be doing right now.”
Whether it’s a way to reclaim power for women or a means to surrender power for men, ball-busting provides pleasure for both genders, regardless of how painful it may seem.