PSG-Nîmes was everything
Who would’ve thought a match between mighty Paris and newly promoted Nîmes would produce such a spectacle?
Before PSG took the pitch Saturday afternoon at Stade des Costières to line up against newly-promoted Nîmes, spectators weren’t expecting a virtuoso performance from Les Parisians, but they were expecting Thomas Tuchel’s squad to earn an easy three points.
Spoiler alert: PSG collected the three points, but the match was far from easy. It was far from boring, too.
Let’s re-live it all, in eight acts.
ACT I: NEYMAR THE…CRY BABY?
Neymar opened the scoring in the 36th minute after sliding in to tap home a cross from Thomas Meunier. The goal was forgettable, but the celebration was *fire emoji* + *laughing face emoji*.
After scoring, Neymar sauntered over to a banner hung up by the home fans that labeled him a “cry baby.” He knelt down in front of it and posed for a few seconds.
Watching the celebration was like watching Neymar have a conversation with himself in front of the Nîmes supporerts.
Neymar: Am I a cry baby?
Neymar: Debatable.
Neymar: Did I just score in front of these scrub fans’ scrub banner?
Neymar: Straight facts.
ACT II: DI MARIA’S OLIMPICO
Now here’s a question that’ll spark a fun soccer debate: What’s the best kind of goal you can score in a match?
Think of all the options: a bicycle kick, a mazy run that starts at half field, a screamer from 40 yards out, a winner in the 96th minute…the options are limitless.
But maybe the best kind of goal you can score is a goal that’s scored when you least expect it. And that’s exactly what an Olimpico is.
A goal scored straight from a corner is not only unexpected, it’s also hella audacious, difficult af and kind of narcissistic.
Big ups to Angel Di Maria for pulling it off. It happened in the 40th minute and put PSG 2–0 up.
ACT III: THE CUTEST OF CURLERS
One of my favorite things to do when I’m shooting on an empty net at the park is placing the ball juuuuust outside the 18-yard, taking one step back and trying to delicately place a curler into the top corner.
It’s such a satisfying feeling watching the ball bend into the top corner. And that’s without a keeper in net.
I can’t even imagine the satisfaction Antonin Bobichon felt after curling his shot into the top corner to pull a goal back for Nîmes in the 63rd minute.
It was a picture-perfect strike. Not as difficult as Di Maria’s Olimpico, but definitely much prettier on the eye.
ACT IV: DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK
Thiago Silva’s clumsy challenge on Theo Valls and a little help from VAR granted Nîmes a chance to equalize from the penalty spot. And Téji Savanier did just that by slotting a neat penalty into the right corner of Alphonse Areola’s goal in the 71st minute.
ACT V: ARE THEY REALLY, ACTUALLY ABOUT TO COME BACK?!
To be honest, Nîmes deserved at least a point from this match. It seemed like they were on the verge of picking up three after Savanier’s euqalizer.
A few minutes after that penalty, Sofiane Alakouch hit the crossbar with a right-footed shot that would’ve sent the supporters at the Stade des Costières into hysteria.
But it wasn’t to be…
ACT VI: MBAPPE: “lol CHILL. YOU’RE NOT WINNING.”
Three minutes after Alakouch hit the crossbar, and after more than a few nervy moments from the PSG backline, Kylian Mbappe crushed Nîmes dreams of a famous victory by conjuring up a moment of brilliance.
He darted in behind the defense to meet a nicely lofted ball from everyone’s favorite Instagrammer, Presnel Kimpembe.
Mbappe’s first touch was perfect, which allotted him the time to compose himself before rifling past Paul Bernardoni in the 77th minute.
ACT VII: CAVANI DECIDES TO EAT
PSG like to rub salt into the wounds of their rivals. It’s why they signed Mbappe mere weeks after securing the services of Neymar.
And even though Mbappe’s goal all but won the match for PSG, Edinson Cavani decided to finish PSG’s bout with Nîmes with a sucker punch goal in the 91st minute.
It killed any lingering hopes of a draw.
ACT VIII: MBAPPE SEES RED
Do you remember Savanier? The dude who equalized for Nîmes.
Well, people aren’t going to look back on this match and think of his goal. They’re going to think of his foul on Mbappe that resulted in two red cards.
The first was handed to Mbappe, who immediately bounced back up off the pitch after getting fouled to push Savanier to the ground.
The second red was shown to Savanier.
*Michael Jackson eating popcorn gif*
People say Ligue 1 is a one-team league. Maybe it’s not. It probably is, but maybe it’s not.
Regardless, if we get more matches like this, I won’t mind this one-team league one bit.
