Skin-ship Conflict: Am I supposed to be in a relationship with my partner’s skin color?
“Make sure to marry a white, rich male. If not a rich, white male, make sure to marry a rich, light skinned Vietnamese man.” This is my first ever bizarre introduction to Colorism. Why does it matter if the person I date is darker than me? As I tread carefully thru middle and high school, I didn’t realize how much this affected me until I realized that I never allowed myself to commit to anyone outside of my culture. I was and am still attracted to all types of ethnicities. I never had a preference based off skin color, yet being fearful of having to be caught dating someone that was deemed “bad” due to the way his skin looked was my involvement and enablement towards Colorism.
Currently, I am in a relationship with my partner who is dark-skinned and Filipino. My parents are still not aware of our one and a half year relationship…
According to Dictionary.com, Colorism means “differential treatment based on skin color, especially favoritism toward those with a lighter skin tone and mistreatment or exclusion of those with a darker skin tone, typically among those of the same racial group or ethnicity.” In the Asian Community, lighter skin is a sign of various virtuous traits that ascend towards privileges. Tsunokai et al. made mentioned in the article that“…colorism was a class-based notion where skin tone reflected one’s position of socioeconomic status” (King-O’Rianin 2006). Due to “…European Colonization”(Karnow 1989) “Anglo facial features were often emphasized as the standard desirability in Asian countries…that were colonized by the English, French, and Spanish (Hunter 2008). In short, these beauty standards were set up by colonizers and throughout history, power, security, stability being grounded in these phenotypes equals desirability. Furthermore, Tsunokai et al. specified that “the valorization of this colonial beauty standard served to perpetuate a system of oppression [and] ‘whiteness’ represents a position of privilege and power and often interacts with other systems such as masculinity, cisnormativity, high socioeconomic status, and heteronormativity” (4029).
How do young Filipinos and Filipinas feel about Colorism in their culture?
According to my partner, overtime, she learned to love her skin color, but growing up her family and the Filipino community encouraged skin lightening creams. “I am who I am and my skin is me.” Having dark skin is a sign of resilience because oppression is imbedded into darker hues. Throughout her life, she had to face multiple challenges because she looked Black or Chicana.
Wardell (Black and Filipino) from “Addressing Colorism within Filipino culture | Rice Bowl Conversations” stated that his experiences with his skin were complex. “Immigrant parents would tell their daughters they shouldn’t date me. Date someone smart like a whatever or white. It is always or white is the exception. One time someone had said that they would want their kids to have a better life. As immigrants if they seen how black people were treated in the United States, then they would want the children to be treated better…” (Wardell 2019).
On the other hand, Jenilee, also from the same video, stated from her childhood that“if people didn’t know who I was then they would project their color identity on to me, so if the person was Mexican or Latina, they would be like ‘oh yea! You’re Mexican I thought you were Mexican, right?’ I grew up with alot of people who were Vietnamese, so alot of people thought I was Vietnamese” (Jenilee 2019).
Nick Dineros (Spanish, White and Filipino)on the other side of the spectrum in the conversation “did not have much of a concept of being Filipino due to him being light skinned and his family being light skinned and he just felt white. Not only that but people did not even know what Filipino was”( Dineros 2019).
As for Necole, she said nonchalantly, “I feel like I was just brown. I grew up in a diverse school…but I was very aware that I was brown” (Necole 2019).
Colorism continues to cause havoc by erasing intersectionality. Dineros stated clearly said that “his friends didn't know what Filipino was” (2019) which was a huge indicator that colonialism and white supremacy obscures cultural roots and diversity. Not only that, but the influence begins very early on. A 26 year old Japanese man interviewed by Rondilla and Spickard (2007) addressed his attraction by stating, “My personal preference would tend to be on the lighter side. I wouldn’t ever be with a dark-skinned person…I guess that image of the princesses with light skin” (Rondilla & Spickard, 2007, p. 61).
I remember watching all of the Disney films growing up and the majority of them were white. Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel, Rapunzel, Merida, Anna, and Elsa. I remember a prominent woman of color: Tiana, but in the majority of the film, she was a frog. What does this say about our culture and women of color? Disney would rather have a frog portrayed on screen than a black woman.
There is a reoccurring message that is infecting people of color’s identity in society. When you are white or are associated with a white person, good things come to you like Disney movies. For example, Cinderella married the prince and lived in a castle, Snow White was woken up from her sleep from sleep with a kiss and married a prince, Rapunzel ran away from her evil kidnapper and married Flynn Rider, Aurora woke up from her slumber and married a prince, Elsa and Anna defeated the evil Hans and reconciled their sisterhood then went back to live in their fancy castle. Social stability: Marry a man who is rich and respectable. Financial stability: live in a castle with a rich person. Movies like these taught people that true happiness comes from a cis heteronormative relationship involving two white people.
How do we combat this negative view?
It is easier said than done. The first step is to redefine what beauty is. Beauty is not white, skinny, curvy and blonde. Beauty is not white, masculine, muscular nor blonde. Beauty is intersectional. Beauty is imperfect and original. Break away from the negative connotations perpetuating and stigmatizing darker skin. View people with darker skin as if they were your own parent, grandparent, relative, and sibling. Humanize skin color everyday. Don’t allow it to depict and judge others.
As for me, my partner taught me to never fear the hate that stems from unjust, unreasonable, and unkind people. Whatever color, ethnicity, orientation, occupation, identity etc, people are beautifully flawed. Black and dark is so beautiful because no matter how much the stigma affects people with this skin type, they will always rise and be better. That is why I will keep fighting and advocating for the love that I have with my partner and community. And you should too since the narrative can’t be rewritten without allies.
References
Anon. n.d. “Colorism.” Dictionary.com. Retrieved October 12, 2020 (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/colorism).
Kollective Hustle. 2019. “Addressing Colorism within Filipino culture | Rice Bowl Conversations.” Youtube, September 16. Retrieved October 10, 2020 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQzaBEBM2BE)
Tsunokai, Glenn T., Augustine J. Kposowa, Ellen Carroll, and Miriam Karamoko. n.d. “The Color Continuum: Skin Tone and Online Dating Preferences among Asian Americans.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 36(11–12):4027–47. DOI: 10.1177/0265407519847772
