The Effects Of The Stigma
For all those who have had their fair share of experiences with any stigma, more so talking about the mental health stigma; you are a bad-ass for fighting this stigma for as long as you have been!
Anyway, for me being someone who lives with mental illness and more specifically depression; at this point for me I was my normal self and completely healthy mentally and emotionally in January this year but beginning in February until now; my health has been getting worse and worse every few days; soon it will get worse each day the longer I go without seeking medical help.
And I gotta say that it’s been way more than challenging enough for me to seek help but also convince to my parents that my health is worse than they keep believing from what they see in me and blind themselves from seeing the whole picture clearly and taking action to solve the issues seen clearly in the picture.
But honestly so many of us have been blinding ourselves so much for so long that it has caused so many issues psychologically in our whole society that we respond and comment with ignorance, immaturity, lack of empathy and understanding and a society that also assumes way too much; can you blame us for keeping so much bottled up for as long as we have chosen for.
What makes me so mad and hurts me so much, nearly as much as I continue to hurt myself by keeping so much bottled up instead of sharing it with my family; but the reason why I don’t is because of the stigma! It’s all about how my parents refuse to try to understand what I’m going through and the belief of mine that I have that my health has been continually getting worse and I need to seek medical help as my health will continue to get worse if nothing gets done about this huge issue that’s affecting not only my relationship with my family and friends but also my work at part time job at Walmart!
The moment I’ve chosen last month to share info to my parents via Instagram which was also posted on my Facebook account stating important data about my health and they’ve refused to see it anything else other than me just choosing to be depressed, antisocial and to be rude around friends and family. But it’s way worse than that and I do apologize for my lack of social skills and even appearing as being choosing to be depressed to many people. It wasn’t my intention but my health will not get any better unless I seek medical help and hopefully so before my birthday October 25 which is also exactly 6 months from April 25, my 3.5 years in recovery mark! Here’s my post I’ve mentioned:
Well I have something to confess here: warning: it’s really deep and I’m really wanting to be vulnerable and show more of my authentic side yet also my dark side also. Well, here it goes! Since February as I’ve specified previously before; my mental and emotional health began going down, and I wasn’t feeling much to the point of feeling nothing at all: that numbness that comes with depression, gradually not being able to rely on my memory (memory or either fuzzy or I can’t remember anything about any one moment of my past, like sometimes more often lately I can’t remember what I did the day before), and for about 2–2.5 weeks now I don’t have any brain activity in my brain: no thoughts, no overthinking, no stress, no anxiety, no panic, no worry, no fear at all: I just can’t think anything anymore: it surprises me I can actually form sentences that make sense: and also I’m struggling a lot with that effect: of not being able to do regular chores and daily tasks: because of my memory getting weaker/unreliable) I cannot remember at all due to no thoughts of any kind in my brain to help me get things done, therefore being yelled at by my parents while they continue to choose not to be empathetic with what I’m going through, the amount of emotional pain I’m in (which isn’t the kind of pain that gets easily understood nor the proper attention), I don’t feel like myself at all: I don’t recognize myself as I don’t see any qualities of myself active anymore, little to no energy, can’t talk like my usual self: chatty Kathy, can’t make any accurate/confident judgments with anyone anymore, no danger/threat is active anymore: coming from the Amagdala/hippocampus in the brain, frequent coughing and have been experiencing panic attacks since May 2017! And I honestly don’t know what to do to help me get back on track with my recovery and be able to feel, think, do things and live my life on my own terms once I’m more in control and in a better yet mentally and emotionally healthy state! #helpwanted #mentalillnessisreal #mentalhealthstigma
