Confidence it seems, is an essential missing part of the conversations to date, about women and success — whatever and however, YOU choose to define success.
Confidence is something we know of, yet we can struggle to define exactly what confidence is. We can be fooled into believing that those with gravitas, charisma and high levels of extroversion ARE confident. However, confidence is less about what others see, and more about what individuals believe.
“Confidence by those who study the subject is “the degree to which you think and “feel” your actions will achieve positive results.” — Psychology Today, Hendrie Weisinger Ph.D. Put simply, confidence can be described as the belief in our own ability to succeed.
Weisinger continues to say that confidence and self-esteem are not the same. Self-esteem refers to general feelings about yourself; confidence refers to your belief and feel in that you can perform a task successfully. Esteem — your view of you, Confidence — your view of your ability to #GSD (get shxt done).
Why is confidence something we need to chat more about? Well, in Katty Kay and Claire Shimpan’s article “The Confidence Gap” 2014, they discuss how their research shows that comparatively, women show lower levels of confidence in the workplace. Specifically, they reference the UK’s Institute of Leadership and Management, which surveyed British managers about how confident they feel in their professions — 50% of the female respondents reported self-doubt about their job performance and careers, compared with less than 30% of male respondents. That’s nearly double the volume, and half of all women in the workforce. Wow.
Nancy Cruickshank, Entrepreneur and CEO of myshowcase, writes for the UK Guardian about the extensive research Facebook undertook in May 2016, called ‘She Means Business’. Nancy outlines that the study showed one in 10 women in the UK wish to start their own business, but don’t. The research pointed to limiting self-belief being a reason for holding back. 37 % say they’re unready, 25 % said it was a lack of confidence and 24% concerned that they were missing the right business skills. Incredible — that’s 49% of 2.7 Million women saying they don’t have the belief or skills today. Somehow, we doubt that is actually the case.
The ‘She Means Business’ research also states that three main things are holding women back: access to finance (38%) concerns over financial security (34%) and a lack of confidence (25%).
That last one is within the control of each of us — to take ownership of developing our own confidence, and to be a supporter, coach and developer of others’ confidence (authentically of course, so only when you genuinely can, as false support is damaging for everyone).
He taonga rongonui te aroha ki te tangata — Goodwill towards others is a precious treasure. Maori Proverb.
How else does confidence affect women in their careers? Linda Babcock’s research shows men initiate salary discussions four times more often than women, and when women do, they ask for 30% less than men do. So, dare we be so bold as to say, there’s a part we all have to play in pay equity, by being prepared for, and having the confidence to ask for what we are truly worth?
Kay and Shopman also state that this lack of confidence does hold us back: “A growing body of evidence shows just how devastating this lack of confidence can be. Success, it turns out, correlates just as closely with confidence as it does with competence.”
We have to ask then, is this lack of confidence justified? Oh, hell no.
Okay, sometimes, but for the most part — no. Of course, in some tasks and situations it will make sense, such as there would likely be a lack of confidence if you asked a Prima Ballerina to land a plane, if she’d never flown a plane before. In the situations researched, the low levels of confidence, were not related at all to actual competency, instead it was a result of the women’s own belief in their ability to complete the role or task.
By now you have likely heard of ‘imposter syndrome’, and it would be safe to say that underpinning this, is a strong sense that women are needing a big ol’ dose of confidence.
A summary of the Confidence Gap article which outlines that due to early development of the many psychologists now believe that risk taking, failure, and perseverance are essential to confidence-building, and they say “there is a direct link between playing sports in high school and earning a bigger salary as an adult. Learning to own victory and survive defeat in sports is apparently good training for owning triumphs and surviving setbacks at work.”
They also outline a concerning statistic that “girls are still six times as likely as boys to drop off sports teams, with the steepest decline in participation coming during adolescence. This is probably because girls suffer a larger decrease in self-esteem during that time than do boys.” While these references are mostly focused on the UK and US, here in NZ there are a lot of similarities, and these insights reflect our situation too.
Te Ara, the Encyclopaedia of New Zealand, reminds us that sport too has a long history of gender inequality. A random fact — women were only officially recognised as capable of running marathons in 1967, 71 years after the first Olympic marathon. Pole vault has only been included as an Olympic sport for women since 2000,.and women’s ski jumping since 2014. Te Ara explains “There are many reasons for these exclusions, but they stem largely from historical assumptions about women’s ability to participate in endurance and risky sports.”
Enough about sport. The key takeout is this — sport is not just great for developing physical and mental fitness, and for overall wellbeing, it also shapes the development of essential skills such as team work, risk taking, resilience, dealing with setbacks, leadership and, the topic du jour, it builds confidence, especially when faced with competition, setbacks and other situations that often occur ‘in the real world’.
Back to confidence and where we get our hands on some. The good news is that with work, confidence can be acquired. Cruickshank boldly reminds that it is a fact: confidence can be improved and developed, it’s not something that you must be born with.
Here’s a couple of perspectives on how to get your confidence topped up and ready to roll!
Jim Taylor PhD states that confidence is a skill that develops with awareness and practice and reminds us that confidence isn’t an all-or-nothing proposition. Which means, it’s not a case of you either have it or you don’t, but he outlines that confidence lies along a continuum from very low to very high confidence.
Jim works a lot with professionals and executives, and has a good understanding of confidence in the work place. He has identified five keys to building confidence that will create an upward spiral of confidence
1. Preparation — says it all really!
2. Mental skills — tools such as motivational sayings, images, songs, positive self-talk and body language, relaxation and mindfulness techniques to remain calm, present and focused.
3. Adversity — tough situations build capability, trust you’ll be okay.
4. Support — surround yourself with those that are on your team.
5. Success — count your wins, in any area, success breeds success.
Nancy Cruickshank’s five tips are great too, so all up, here’s 10 great tips to get those confidence levels on the up and up.
1. Prepare to be confident
2. Know your stuff
3. Don’t let fear stop you
4. Adopt a positive attitude
5. Be assertive
We recommend you check out the Te Minitatanga mō ngā Wāhine, the New Zealand Ministry for Women’s article on “How to Build Your Confidence” also.
So there you have it. A big contributor to our own success, is what we believe. Let’s pump up the confidence levels and empower ourselves, and each other, to achieve whatever we set our hearts and minds to!
It’s time for me to take it
I’m the boss right now
Not gonna fake it
Not when you go down
’Cause this is my game
And you better come to play- ‘Confident’ Demi Lovato
References:
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/hendrie-weisinger-phd
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/work/5-surefire-tactics-boost-confidence-work-every-day/
