Expressing Needs
Warming Up
“Now we want you to think of someone who’s been been upsetting you, and we want you to imagine your partner is that person. However, we want you to communicate your upset using the components of Nonviolent Communication.”
It was an early Friday morning on our second to last Fundamentals of Design for Social Innovation class of the semester. After an intensive course that explored design practices through the lens of personal growth, we had our last unit, which brought closure to our personal and relational transformative curriculum. This last module focused on Nonviolent Communication. We we partnered in pairs where we practiced the method. The Nonviolent Communication unit created the space to focus communication and expression as well as active listening.
“At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.”
-Marshall Rosenberg
Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Communication was started in the 1960’s by Marshall Rosenberg as part of his pedagogical approach to avoiding violent and harmful behavior towards the self or others. At the core of Nonviolent Living is the belief that violent and harmful behavior is the result of unmet needs. Nonviolent Communication is a communication process that has the individual communicating the following four areas of expression:
- Observation: identifying what the individual is experiencing through their senses
- Feeling: how that observation is generating a physical and/or emotional sensation
- Need: what we may need to address the observation
- Request: asking an for a change/adjustment to address the observation
In resolving conflict, these steps of Nonviolent Communication may be carried out with an individual or group(s). Although the steps are self-explanatory enough, acting and being able to engage in Nonviolent Communication requires a deep connection with the self.
In order for an individual to be able to use Nonviolent Communication, they have to be in touch enough with themselves to know their own need. As Dr. Rosenberg posits, violent and harmful behavior is the result of needs not being met. However, if the individual is unable to know, identify or express their needs, then Nonviolent Communication isn’t possible. Although communication is part of the equation, active listening is another- the method of being present while someone shares.
Active Listening
Earlier in the semester we learned about active listening — the practice of being present, understanding, engaging and responding to someone who is sharing with us. We were reminded of this skill the day that we learned about Nonviolent communication. To warm up in the learning goal, we paired up and were given a prompt. The prompt was a conflict where one person expressed frustration at the actions of the other. With our partner, we went through the process three times, each time differently, with the listener either engaging passively, aggressively, or engaged assertively. This activity set the warmed us up as listeners for Nonviolent Communication.
Although Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool to explore our needs, express them with others, and forge bonds instead of perpetuating violent or harmful behavior, Active Listening is also an important part of the communication process. Through Active Listening and then practicing Nonviolent Communication, we were able to engage in a 360 approach to need-based social validation. These techniques, whether it is expressing or listening, are both crucial components for authentic human-centered design. If we aim to improve people’s lives, we have to be able to listen, foster communication and understand needs on a core level.
