Hey Mom
Recently one of my best friends found out that she is pregnant and has been sharing her experience, her trials, and tribulations on this amazing journey. That got me thinking about motherhood, about being a mom, and how hard it is. I have not been still lucky enough to experience it myself but the way my mom brought me up I always thought it was easy enough.
Now I know how hard it is seeing my friend struggle to adjust. It’s not all happy smiles and stuff. It’s hard. nerve-wracking, it’s simply raw and gritting. So this is for my mom, the world’s best mom. ( According to me). I’ve always loved her and appreciated her but I know that’s not enough as I know expressing myself here is not enough.
But that’s the thing no matter what we do no matter how much we sacrifice it won’t ever be enough to compensate for what moms all over the world do for their children. So this is for my mom and every other mom in the world.
Hey MOM,
It’s been a long time since the very first time you showed me color, warmth, taste, happiness, the whole world. Exactly 24 years. It’s been a long journey huh??. With ups and downs, happiness, sadness, anger, and joy. Remember the way we laughed for silly jokes and sang alone together for oldies played on the radio or the way the both of us just bombed our first-ever cake baking?.
Remember the way we used to fight for nothing that matter, I would always end up crying, just because this silly girl wanted to have her way, no matter whether you suffered or not. I know you remember but have forgiven this silly daughter of yours and I know, for you, it was the easiest thing to do.
I know that I’ve drifted apart, searching for something, someone that I could call mine, that I could lean on to move further along in this life, to survive this life, to love, to care, and to procreate. It may seem like I have forgotten you. I HAVE NOT MOM. For you are my roots, the roots that hold me strong in every ferocious storm, the roots that provide me with nourishment, held me up when I started to crumble. Weathered every storm with me. How can a person forget her roots, a person simply can not. For I never will and I never would. You’ll be in me until my last breath and live on forever through my legacy. The legacy you built up in me.
I’ve wanted to tell you, Mom.
I’m sorry for the pain I caused from the second I found heaven in your womb. I’m sorry for the endless bouts of vomiting, the headaches, the restlessness, the long nights, and the pains I bought you. I’m sorry for the late nights, the constant worrying, the rushed hospital visits, the swollen legs standing beside me, and the pains sleeping every night in a hospital chair.
I’m sorry for all the financial troubles with the bills you had to pay just because I wanted a new thing to make me happy. I’m sorry for the angry screams, the harsh words I couldn’t hold in. You did not deserve them.
I feel you in my bones and my soul, for I am but a simple morsel of you, brought by you to this world, built up by you and cherished by you. I feel your happiness and I feel your sadness. I struggle to make you happy every second of my life, in every way I can. I cherish your words, the memories with you, the smirks, the tight-lipped smiles you oh! so gracefully blessed me with.
The scolding, the warnings, the ultimatums, and the punishment you gave, for they taught me what is right, what path to take, and what way to live life the best. I worship the path you walk and hung on the words you utter. ( this may seem a little bit too much but I do.) For I’ve come to realise, I may not have a billionaire lifestyle but I do have an amazing life.
I have you. A strong woman, to hold me, to lead me in every way. A mother to look up to, a friend to tell my deepest darkest secrets. My own guardian angel. I love you, Mom. I know saying this or just writing my feelings is not enough. I can’t ever pay you back for every single thing you did for me. But I’ll always be there besides.
Maybe I can’t repay you but I certainly can learn from you make you proud to show you everything that you did was correct, every single word, every decision. To show you that I am certainly your greatest achievement to make you proud. I love you, Mom. It's inadequate but I’ll always be there trying to compensate.
Your silly girl.
