The Probabilities of dating
I was sitting by the corner of the bar table once my friend got comfy in conversation with a total stranger she met a couple of hours on Tinder. I smiled and was just sitting there for this to over with. Twitter feed and ebooks are my biggest companies during these tragic times.
“Shall I take the pleasure of ordering a drink for the lovely young lady sitting alone at the bar, reasoning out the possibilities of her date-less-ness?”
A strong voice was heard behind me. As I turned, I saw him holding two glasses of wine, and (sexy) and a lame smile.
“Sorry, I don't drink and I am not looking for a date. So I deny your statement and offer”
“Whoa! Too soon for a denial. You crushed my heart” he held his left side of the chest and brought up fake pain feels on his face.
Haha… Not funny. I said and turned to my phone.
“You are contradictory. You said Haha that means laughing in English; a language of Englishmen and said ‘Not funny’ in the same language which is confusing. Hmm… which one should I take?”
I looked at him and said “whatever it is, doesn't bother me”
“It should bother you because they were YOUR words”
I was not in a mood for a reply so just fake smiled at him… (didn't say haha)
“Ohh you have a beautiful smile. Only if it would have been BEAUTIFULER if you smile for real”
“I don't smile for strangers, and you talk a lot about Englishmen and their language but for a native English speaker you make a lot of mistakes in your vocabulary. Date-less-ness, Beautifuler?”
“Well! I have the legacy of butchering the language of my own. I last checked we can do whatever the hell we wanna the stuff we OWN. I own the language”
He sounded like a crazy old maniac (but looks very young) who just killed their family and having bloodshed in arms. But I didn't speak out loud, just went with a silent pause.
“This is the place where you ask what I do for a living”
“Well, now that you are alone here and I don't have a date and we are in a conversation it is important that you know”
“Whoa! Whoa! Hold on there. WE are not in a conversation. Your ‘date facts’ don't concern me and I am here with my friend. So, Nice meeting you, Bye”
I tried turning the other side and but he continued… “Yeah but you are alone NOW. We don't worry about the past. What happens in the present matter. So, Hi! How are you?”
Ughhhhhhh… he is such a pain in the a**
I fiercely turned and “Hi, I am good. can you please move on. Tata. Nice meeting you”
“That’s it? No name and nothing. That’s too bad”
“My parents didn't name me and I live on the Earth. Happy?”
As I turned this time with wine glasses on the bar top, I tossed one of them (mistakenly) and it spilled a bit on his hands, on my jeans a little bit on my phone.
“Jeez! Calm down, woman. All that curry made you a mess. See what you’ve done”
“Wait a minute! I looked strongly at him and asked what… what did you just say?”
“About the curry, I ate; something. So you are saying that I am angry because I had curry and that is representation fo me being Asian? So that’s what this all about”
“What are you talknig about….”
“… Just stop. I was sitting alone by myself without a trouble and you come with fancy wine glasses and I am being accused of being Asian? You know what, I never wanted to talk to you. You guys are one showing white supremacy and whatnot. I never talked a single word to you. You were the one jabbering like a non-ending type writer….” (I went on for full 5 minutes)
He waited until I finish and then goes. “I never said anything about curry, I said ALL THIS HURRY MADE A MESS. That’s what I said and I had to hear this full blown racism lecture. Well! My date night went AAAAALL Well!”
There was an uneasy silence. I was completely embarassed. It was totally awkward. The bartender cleaned the table top and I said I need to clean up. And whooshed away to the ladies room.
There I spent blaming myelf for being an idiot (5 minutes), (embarassment (5minutes) and plannig possible ways of exit (10 minutes). At the end of the arguement (with myslef) I finally deicded to exit without a note, and text my friend to get a cab on her own.
As I was trying to execute my plan, I saw him standing at the stiarcase by the washroom giving me a funny at the same time sarcastic smirk (Oh! that bastard)
I rushed to him (in a manner to get over with this) and said “I am sorry, I just over reacted” and he laughed and said “look at that face…” clenched his fist and said “Mhhh.. this is what we call WHITE SUPREMACY. Making the Asians to apologize for no reason” He wiggled his eybrows
Not funny, man! And I am clearly not in the mood for this
Haha.. I see you leaving.. let me walk you out?
I wanted to tell him that I know where the exit is but it was too much drama for a one night. So I went along.
We walked along the corridor and as we reached outside, the a chilly breeze said hi. I wanted to carpe-diem the moment but he was still there (standing like a coconut tree).
Thank you. Nice meeting you. Bye (on a low note)
See! We didn’t introduce ourselves properly, I guess. (ususal sacrastic voice). I am Steve.
I am Ahalya! I smiled. Nice to meet you.
We shook hands. And he kept talking.” I see that you don’t drink. Mind if I ask you out for a coffee, just as a friend”
He was being nice too and I didn’t want to paint a bad picture of myself on a person like him. So I was like “yeah why not…”
Then we sat for a coffee with formal talks and then I got to know he was an Assistant Professor in a Korean University for English language and he was also a writer. The scene changed upside down and we talked for hours. And then he dropped me off at my Univerisity and I was about to say a Good night and he said…
“Good thing my date didn’t show up tonight. This is one of my best spent nights over a cup of coffee” I blushed.
“Of all the things that happend tonight, I’ll remember the guest lecture on ‘White Supremacy’. I forgot to take a note though. Can you repeat the class again. May be some other time?” (Sarcastic smile)
Oh Man! I just wanted to hug him but then wanted to punch him right in the face.
“Sure…!” I replied with a goofy smile and walked back to the dorm.
Steve and became very good friends after that. I showed him my writngs and he appreciated pretty much (I guess?). Probably he’ll be reading this now and I’ll be sued later; which I will write in an other blog.
Thnak you for the reading this. Hope you enjoyed. Have fun :)