“We did all that, just to become strangers again” — Against the current
He had his hands cupped on my face.
His eyes full of drunk love recited the beautiful poetry.
“I fall for you every time I look into your eyes
Under the moon
Your face illuminates like a star
It’s a sin to look this beautiful
I pray that all your sins wash away
In the river of my prayers to Allah
And my eyes open to your gleeful smile in the morning
And my eyes close to your breath rhyming with my beating heart
I pray that you are mine and I am yours
Now and forever”
Every prose he murmured
I found it a little harder to breathe
My mind fogged up by the cloud of need
The need to touch him
The need to bring him closer to my heart
It all felt like a dream
A dream I was afraid to wake up from
At the moment, he felt so familiar
He felt like home
A home I didn’t have to worry about losing
For he had promised…
He had PROMISED in his beautiful lyrics
“If I don’t end up being the home of love for you”
I will be the tree of friendship for you… for life”
How did we come from there to here?
How did someone so familiar become a stranger?
As your presence began to dwindle
The days seemed to pass by a little slower
The nights grew a little longer
Food was tasteless
Colors felt meaningless
The very moon seemed to shine a little less brighter
Every night I waited for your text
Even if it be a one-word reply
It used to help keep the extinguishing fire alive for a little bit longer
Slowly
The one-word replies ceased to exist too
Just when I thought things could not go worse
My already shattered world
Crushed a little more
I needed you then
More than ever this time
As a friend
Where were you?!
I scream in the dark and cry for you
Trying to find you with arms outstretched
But the echo of your past finds me instead, giving me a thousand deaths
For the echo repeats in eerie waves
“He was never yours nor mine…
Nor should you expect the sense of loyalty from his kind”
It didn’t make sense at first but then questions started pouring in poisonous rain
How did someone so kind slowly push me to the sidelines?
How did someone so chivalrous bring in the concept of ghosting like cowardice?
How did a poet who breathed life into this soul, become a maleficent mole?
Every time I questioned the growing distance
How did someone so caring gaslight the other by calling them an overthinker?
It was nothing but a game for you, wasn't it?
A game of use and throw
A game of broken promises and truthful lies
I was a pawn all this while
For I thought I was drinking the nectar of red love
I looked around, confused as to why the world was laughing at me
But as my lips turned blue and my heart turned to stone
I realized that all this time it was nothing but blue poison I drank
That instilled insecurity and anxiousness about losing more and more
That makes me cry for affection and friendships that I lost
That makes me trust a little less
…
That poisonous river is still carrying me to my gravestone.
In the end though
Even in my soul-less breaths
I wish you all the love and beautiful memories
for in my life
there was only one you
whom I will remember as the poet who knew how to make their lover fly through stars in heaven
