Why I love Setbacks
Every time something goes wrong in your life, what is your reaction to it? Naturally, it’s something like getting upset and telling yourself “WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME?”. Then there’s this whole blame game where you either blame someone else, the situation, yourself, etc.
Firstly it’s never just you and you need to accept that. It’s perfectly okay to be upset. Take as long as you want. But that doesn’t mean you can’t love that setback. You need to see ‘How is this going to change my life?’. The truth is no one knows the answer to that, and that mystery is exactly what I love about it.
Secondly, take responsibility. It’s always easier to blame the situation or someone else and that’s called victimizing yourself. Most people who do that are not even aware of it. The next time something goes wrong try thinking like this...Could I have done something differently to not reach such a stage? If there’s an answer to that question, it’s new learning for you. We all make mistakes and it’s okay. From your end, you can only ensure to not make that mistake again.
A change that you like gets you excited and you look forward to, becomes an advancement. But at the same time, if it’s not something you had anticipated, and you are not going to like that change, it becomes a setback.
So what exactly is a setback? It is nothing but a change.
Setbacks can be of two types:
- Mitigable — If you know there’s something you can do to make the situation better and not give up, do it. The moment you realize there’s something you said or did wrong, apologize. In your heart, you will know you’ve done all you could have :)
- Unmitigable- Once you realize that things are going to change and there’s nothing you can do about it, let it go. The more you try to hold on to it, the harder it will be to see it slip away. Know when to pull out because new doors will open.
I believe it is important to identify under which category your setback falls because it helps you accept the situation better and think about your next steps.
Your life is going to change in some manner or another. You are going to open up to new possibilities, and that in life is inevitable because:
Change is the only constant.
Once things have settled, look back and try to see the good in it. It’s not easy but trust me it gets easier! For me at this point in my life, I somehow do manage to see the bright side, always.
When my best friend and I fell apart, it was a tough 6 months period where I felt lonely a lot and was having major trust issues. However, I became very comfortable in my own company. I read more, signed up for different activities, worked out, and best of all, I met new people who I am comfortable with. Those new people are an integral part of my life today and I’ve had the best time of my life with them. None of it happened immediately. It gradually happened after more than 6 months of loneliness, pain, anger, followed by patience and faith that things will get better.
It is very important to know when to let things go because, if at that point I would have tried to stick to the same person, expecting change and losing myself in the process, none of the good things would have happened. In fact, after going through everything I realized that the person was indeed toxic to me and so was the friendship. I was so invested in it that I wasn’t growing at all. Once I was on my own, I took up new projects, responsibilities, became a part of a council and met amazing new people, and had great experiences.
Today when I look back I’m grateful for that setback because it took me 5 steps ahead in life as compared to where I would have been if there were no setbacks.
That made me stronger and today I know nothing is permanent. I have learned to enjoy what I have and live in the moment. In this huge world of endless possibilities, anything can happen! Now that I have accepted it, I feel like I’m prepared for anything that comes my way. No matter what setbacks or twists, I know I will happily write a new chapter in my life the way I want.
Sooner or later, like it or not there is going to be a change. Not everything will be how you want it to be, not everything will make you happy and more comfortable but EVERYTHING is going to teach you something, give you some experience and become a memory. Whether you want it to become a good memory or a bad one is in your hands.
I personally believe that when I talk about a bad situation to a lot of people, it just becomes bigger in my head and sometimes sounds worse than it actually is. By talking about it again and again we relive the distress and it is not going to benefit us. As far as possible, I try to resolve things on my own and think about what to do next. So if you know you can handle it, do it. It’ll make you stronger and more confident about yourself.
However, if something is affecting you a lot and you need advice or just a listener, talking to the right person can make you feel better and give you the strength to face it. Keep the circle small. The person might not necessarily have a solution for you and that’s okay. Being heard matters.
Be it a breakup, getting fired, or just having a bad day,
When you hit your lowest point, you are open to the greatest change.
That’s why I love and embrace tough phases in my life. I know my life is about to change and I’m excited to see what’s coming.
As the aphorism goes:
